Once for my mother’s birthday, my dad bought her a girdle. ( Somewhat in his defense, she had apparently mentioned she needed a new one.) Had he the insight then to NOT buy the practical or anything that may indicate a flaw in her body , the outcome may have been different. He took the girdle back & when he explained the circumstances to the clerk, she refunded his money without hesitation but with, I imagine, a withering glare!
Thanks for the laughs! This is my first Mother's Day without my mom, and, reading this, it's great to remember her smile. And, by the way, I had the same mustache issues.
Also did the mustache thing, which made me look like Milton in Office Space. Of which my students were more than happy to inform me when the movie came out.
Between the descriptions of electronic devices and the French words about emollients, I am pretty much at sea…which I blame on reading Dave’s recent substack on influencers sinking a yacht. I don’t like any of the suggested gifts but what I DO like is the new 43” TV my daughters and son-in-law bought, installed, and set up for me…a combination birthday and Mother’s Day gift. I love my adult “kids”. ❤️
Dave Barry’s writing (in any form) always brings me to tears. If my husband hears me simultaneously laughing and crying, he calls out from the other room, “Dave Barry again?”
When my kids were in high school, they asked for a list of things I wanted for Mother’s Day, so I obliged. My list included knee-hi stockings, pocket tissues, triple-A batteries, you know, practical stuff. Since they didn’t have jobs, I figured I’d keep it inexpensive. My son took one look and tossing his copy in the waste basket said, “Mom, that’s a drugstore list!” My daughters bought everything on the list. My son bought me a lovely blue felt hat and a ruffle-edged parasol. I knew he’d make a fantastic husband one day!
You absolutely nailed my son’s plan for Father’s Day, the same son who made me a Mom five days after Mother’s Day in 1981. Good timing son. I truly don’t want anything practical or ridiculous for Mother’s Day. But we are going to brunch.
Great post, as usual! But I have a question: what’s up with “notes” these days? Everything has notes in it: candles, wine, premium gasoline (notes of octane with a hint of decane), dog food (notes of dead badger and possibly giant squid) and lest we forget, Louis Vuitton luggage (notes of I’m loaded just in case you were wondering)
They had to think of something to substitute for “smells,” because someone told them “smells” aren’t appealing. AND they can’t be sued by people who can’t detect any damn notes, because “notes” are, you know, actually not anything.
The only Notes I have comes with Apple products, but why you would want to share something YOU wrote to your own device, rather than simply copy-paste, I don't have a clue.
I am a mom, and I definitely do not want any of those electronic gadgets because I don't even understand what they are. I'm just happy to say my kids are young adults now, so I no longer get dollar store perfume. Though they are still young enough to want to give me little porcelain knick knacks that I have absolutely no use for. I'm not complaining though because at least they're thinking about me! I still remember my friend whose then-new husband gave her a waffle iron. Because he likes waffles, of course. She gently explained to him that gifts come in small velvet boxes and don't come from Target. He never made that mistake again.
"...alone dozing on the sofa, gently farting the afternoon away," is by far the greatest Father's Day gift ever. I offered to go to a sports bar this Sunday so my wife could do that on Mother's Day. For some odd reason, she wasn't thrilled.
Thank you Dave. I just became a paid subscriber so I could send your “kinder/gentler” message to my three big boys. They screwed up on my recent birthday. I believe this will prove to be a wise, long term investment 😏
Thank you for the laughs and the suggestions. I'm not a mother, but if I were, I would like one of those candles, preferably accompanied by a dozen red roses and some sweet-smelling potpourri. And if you forgot and didn't get me a gift, I wouldn't let you forget it for the rest of my life or yours, whichever ends first. 😊
Once for my mother’s birthday, my dad bought her a girdle. ( Somewhat in his defense, she had apparently mentioned she needed a new one.) Had he the insight then to NOT buy the practical or anything that may indicate a flaw in her body , the outcome may have been different. He took the girdle back & when he explained the circumstances to the clerk, she refunded his money without hesitation but with, I imagine, a withering glare!
I honestly cannot think of a worse Mother’s Day gift. I am cursing myself for not having thought of it.
I’m still laughing at this!!!! 🤣
Thanks for the laughs! This is my first Mother's Day without my mom, and, reading this, it's great to remember her smile. And, by the way, I had the same mustache issues.
My first too. 😢 And I'm at that female mustache issues age.
My mother died in 1976. I miss her every day. My sincerest condolences on your loss.
Lost Mom in 1983 - still miss her immensely.
Also did the mustache thing, which made me look like Milton in Office Space. Of which my students were more than happy to inform me when the movie came out.
Hard same. Those damn whiskers! 🤣
I lost mine a few years ago. She loved Mr. Barry (presumably just his writing), so what was good enough for mom is good enough for me.
Agreed! I shared this column with my siblings and all agree our Mom would love it.
Me too. Mom died in Feb.
Sorry for your loss!
Oh, I’m really sorry. It’s pretty rough, isn’t it?
Yes. Thanks. Hope you are doing OK!
Buy your wife a vacuum cleaner, or maybe a snazzy new mop! It will be very well-received.
Yes, I'm divorced. Why do you ask?
Between the descriptions of electronic devices and the French words about emollients, I am pretty much at sea…which I blame on reading Dave’s recent substack on influencers sinking a yacht. I don’t like any of the suggested gifts but what I DO like is the new 43” TV my daughters and son-in-law bought, installed, and set up for me…a combination birthday and Mother’s Day gift. I love my adult “kids”. ❤️
Dave Barry’s writing (in any form) always brings me to tears. If my husband hears me simultaneously laughing and crying, he calls out from the other room, “Dave Barry again?”
Your mother was Marion Barry? She must have gotten a lot of laughs out of her name back in the old "bitch set me up" days.
I was thinking the same thing!!!!
I knew that name sounded familiar! 🤣
When my kids were in high school, they asked for a list of things I wanted for Mother’s Day, so I obliged. My list included knee-hi stockings, pocket tissues, triple-A batteries, you know, practical stuff. Since they didn’t have jobs, I figured I’d keep it inexpensive. My son took one look and tossing his copy in the waste basket said, “Mom, that’s a drugstore list!” My daughters bought everything on the list. My son bought me a lovely blue felt hat and a ruffle-edged parasol. I knew he’d make a fantastic husband one day!
You absolutely nailed my son’s plan for Father’s Day, the same son who made me a Mom five days after Mother’s Day in 1981. Good timing son. I truly don’t want anything practical or ridiculous for Mother’s Day. But we are going to brunch.
Dave,
Don’t forget potpourri—it’s impractical, it has a nice aroma, and it has a French name. You can’t go wrong!
I think Dave did a whole column on potpurri.
Great post, as usual! But I have a question: what’s up with “notes” these days? Everything has notes in it: candles, wine, premium gasoline (notes of octane with a hint of decane), dog food (notes of dead badger and possibly giant squid) and lest we forget, Louis Vuitton luggage (notes of I’m loaded just in case you were wondering)
They had to think of something to substitute for “smells,” because someone told them “smells” aren’t appealing. AND they can’t be sued by people who can’t detect any damn notes, because “notes” are, you know, actually not anything.
This makes a LOT of sense.
🎶🎵🎹?
The only Notes I have comes with Apple products, but why you would want to share something YOU wrote to your own device, rather than simply copy-paste, I don't have a clue.
This is just an awesome observation! 👏🏻🤣👏🏻🤣👏🏻
I am a mom, and I definitely do not want any of those electronic gadgets because I don't even understand what they are. I'm just happy to say my kids are young adults now, so I no longer get dollar store perfume. Though they are still young enough to want to give me little porcelain knick knacks that I have absolutely no use for. I'm not complaining though because at least they're thinking about me! I still remember my friend whose then-new husband gave her a waffle iron. Because he likes waffles, of course. She gently explained to him that gifts come in small velvet boxes and don't come from Target. He never made that mistake again.
"...alone dozing on the sofa, gently farting the afternoon away," is by far the greatest Father's Day gift ever. I offered to go to a sports bar this Sunday so my wife could do that on Mother's Day. For some odd reason, she wasn't thrilled.
MerryCatholic.substack.com
It doesn’t work that way.
Yeah, I found out the hard way. Again.
My first Mother's Day without Mom too.
Best gift for Mom on Mother's Day? Spend time with her.
Been there, though a long time ago. It's tough. Hang in there.
Thank you Dave. I just became a paid subscriber so I could send your “kinder/gentler” message to my three big boys. They screwed up on my recent birthday. I believe this will prove to be a wise, long term investment 😏
Thank you for the laughs and the suggestions. I'm not a mother, but if I were, I would like one of those candles, preferably accompanied by a dozen red roses and some sweet-smelling potpourri. And if you forgot and didn't get me a gift, I wouldn't let you forget it for the rest of my life or yours, whichever ends first. 😊
Those beeswax candles look like they could serve another purpose! See ya tomorrow!
Remember to remind Mom to mind her own beeswax…
Ouch! Very droll