You know, you could have avoided all this trouble had you bought a book I highly recommend, Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need. Despite not having been updated since approximately the late 18th century, it is just as accurate as ever. It's only missing our newest state Greenland.
I am a short (vertically-challenged) person. A flight over two hours turns me into a hobbling cripple for the next 48 hours. I don't know how Persons of Normal Height deal with the seats. Perhaps they all go directly to the emergency room when they get off the plane.
But at the same time: the names of things containing 36 letters! When I was in Switzerland I asked our guide about German words and she admitted they just kept sticking words together to troll us Americans.
Three fingers of cheese in Austria? Ha! Try going to Italy -- and being lactose intolerant! When I begged the waiter "Sensa formaggio!" ("No cheese!") he took that to mean, "OK, instead of 4 cheeses in your meal we'll only give you two." Then, 20 minutes later, I learned about Europe's strict "2 squares of toilet paper per person per day" law. Yeesh! Now, the farthest I want to travel from home is to the end of the driveway to get the mail.
I honestly don't have any comment to offer, other than this brilliantly conceived column reminded me (I had completely forgotten this) that I grew up around "souvenir soap" too.
When she passed away in 2012, my mother left everyone in the family a box of soaps so fragrant the tight and elaborate wrapping cannot contain the scents. From hotels throughout Europe. I still treasure these soaps which are way more valuable than a few fingers of cheese.
As a retired airline ground supervisor, I can wholly back not letting the general public on any flight, especially on Spirit. I think their Gate Lucha Libre is a nice touch, though. 🤔
Cheese experience is very relatable. I just came back from Mexico City with a kilogram of Oaxaca cheese because the street vendor didn't speak English, and I don't know how to say fractions in Spanish.
I used to sing (badly) in rock bands, and write reviews of rock bands and/or their albums (better). All of it, including the journalism, was done in numerous keys of shriek. So you don’t have to travel to experience IQ droppage. Just pick your keys and spend years with rock bands.
The most crazy are the weird UK 3 prong plugs. They work only in England. Scotland, too, but these offend the populace there. The US to UK travel adapters are also very handy to hold a finger or 2 of Austrian cheese so that you can mostly cut the cheese in a safe manner.
Dave, You’re the only thing (person) who makes me howl in hysterics when reading your column. Why the extra n in column…. Have you written about the so called English language. They’re there getting their nightly knights knit or something like that! XOXO
Dave is getting scary - those are actual German words strung together. Now, I’m pretty sure the consolidated word isn’t actually German itself, but the individual words are. Dave is getting dangerously close to actual information there.
You know, you could have avoided all this trouble had you bought a book I highly recommend, Dave Barry's Only Travel Guide You'll Ever Need. Despite not having been updated since approximately the late 18th century, it is just as accurate as ever. It's only missing our newest state Greenland.
I wish there were an audio version of that book!
I am a short (vertically-challenged) person. A flight over two hours turns me into a hobbling cripple for the next 48 hours. I don't know how Persons of Normal Height deal with the seats. Perhaps they all go directly to the emergency room when they get off the plane.
I became a paid subscriber just so that I could comment on how HARD this entire essay made me laugh. Five dollars a month hard.
Thank you!
But at the same time: the names of things containing 36 letters! When I was in Switzerland I asked our guide about German words and she admitted they just kept sticking words together to troll us Americans.
I’m still laughing.
Me, too!
Radio Shack!!! This is definitely a newsletter for us old farts. Speaking of which, Dave, was it really the Austrian who cut the cheese?
Three fingers of cheese in Austria? Ha! Try going to Italy -- and being lactose intolerant! When I begged the waiter "Sensa formaggio!" ("No cheese!") he took that to mean, "OK, instead of 4 cheeses in your meal we'll only give you two." Then, 20 minutes later, I learned about Europe's strict "2 squares of toilet paper per person per day" law. Yeesh! Now, the farthest I want to travel from home is to the end of the driveway to get the mail.
MerryCatholic.substack.com
Dave, You are the only person who could get Greenland to like us again.
I honestly don't have any comment to offer, other than this brilliantly conceived column reminded me (I had completely forgotten this) that I grew up around "souvenir soap" too.
When she passed away in 2012, my mother left everyone in the family a box of soaps so fragrant the tight and elaborate wrapping cannot contain the scents. From hotels throughout Europe. I still treasure these soaps which are way more valuable than a few fingers of cheese.
As a retired airline ground supervisor, I can wholly back not letting the general public on any flight, especially on Spirit. I think their Gate Lucha Libre is a nice touch, though. 🤔
Cheese experience is very relatable. I just came back from Mexico City with a kilogram of Oaxaca cheese because the street vendor didn't speak English, and I don't know how to say fractions in Spanish.
I used to sing (badly) in rock bands, and write reviews of rock bands and/or their albums (better). All of it, including the journalism, was done in numerous keys of shriek. So you don’t have to travel to experience IQ droppage. Just pick your keys and spend years with rock bands.
The most crazy are the weird UK 3 prong plugs. They work only in England. Scotland, too, but these offend the populace there. The US to UK travel adapters are also very handy to hold a finger or 2 of Austrian cheese so that you can mostly cut the cheese in a safe manner.
Just don’t send the Secretary of HHS to Mirhan Mirhan.
Dave, You’re the only thing (person) who makes me howl in hysterics when reading your column. Why the extra n in column…. Have you written about the so called English language. They’re there getting their nightly knights knit or something like that! XOXO
Figuring out those extra “n” letters makes my brain numbn
Laughingnnn!!
You mean in columnin?
Ask Mr Language Person about proper spelling techniques, and especially about punctuation rules. We haven’t heard from him in quite a while.
And remember… if the bus is full, you can always fly via SPIRIT AIRLINES.
Dave is getting scary - those are actual German words strung together. Now, I’m pretty sure the consolidated word isn’t actually German itself, but the individual words are. Dave is getting dangerously close to actual information there.
Help! I’m dying laughing!