166 Comments
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Kim's avatar

See you in random city #6 at Politics & Prose! Let me know if you need me to bring you clean underwear.

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Dave Barry's avatar

You'll be able to tell.

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Lynne Larkin's avatar

Hahaha, I used to hang at P&P [lucky Kim still to be nearby, love that place] and I believe they have a screening sniffer dog, as well as a spare, backup dog, at the door.

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LKN's avatar
May 18Edited

Witnessed at P&P replete with former college crony in the audience. No less entertaining than the last time I attended. Endless thanks.

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Corlis Robe's avatar

How many of you people Actually Did the Math homework that was assigned?

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Laura Fissinger's avatar

I did. And I still stunk at math. My brain gave up in the middle of Algebra 1. I never got to do anything with a “cosine”. To this day I look up “trigonometry” and “calculus” in the “Oxford Dictionary of Difficult Words”, which is my favorite book next to Dave’s new book.

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Natasha's avatar

Just assume.

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Roger Beal's avatar

Forget about "the cosine". It's the integrals and differentials that really, really crush young souls.

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Lynne Larkin's avatar

I co-sign this sentiment: They drove me from maths in high school, I couldn't face it.

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Roger Beal's avatar

ISWYDT, Lynne!

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wiredog's avatar

Eh, once I got derivatives, and the integral is just the opposite of that. Although I never figured out why we had to put all that dX/dY/dZ at the end of the equations.

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Dale of Green Gables's avatar

Maybe this will help: while dy/dx may seem like a fraction, it's not one in the traditional sense. It represents the limit of the ratio of small changes (Δy/Δx) as Δx approaches zero. All clear now? Blame it on Leibniz. You think Leibniz's notation is difficult to understand, try his theory of monads. Busy guy was Gottfried Wilhelm. And to show how good he was, people are still scratching their heads some three centuries later.

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Flash Sheridan's avatar

> You think Leibniz's notation is difficult to understand,…

Newton’s was worse.

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George Gillson's avatar

Ask Newton. Or Leibnitz.

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George Gillson's avatar

Who among us doesn't like Calculus? Especially when trig functions are involved

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Michael Lutz's avatar

Arc hyperbolic cosecant?

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Michael Lutz's avatar

Then there's differential equations & linear algebra!

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Laura Fissinger's avatar

I am still crushed and differentialed.

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WJ Hayes's avatar

I can only presume, looking at your tour schedule, that you thoroughly annoyed someone at your Publishing House and your itinerary is revenge.

Also, I still believe 'MacArthur Park' is worst song ever. Though 'I am, I said' is in the top 10 (along with 'Starships').

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Bill Dunn's avatar

Maynard Ferguson's version of 'MacArthur Park' is awesome. Why? No lyrics!

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Just Lil Ole Me's avatar

And Maynard’s unbelievable trumpet playing.

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Bob Morris's avatar

The map of your itinerary reminds me of the kid's game you play with the yarn cobweb on your fingers-- "Cat's Cradle." Which also reminds me of a very bad song.

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Mary Larrick's avatar

Bob, I was thinking it looked more like a murder board in a bad police procedural. But I can see a Cat’s Cradle, too, now that you mention it.

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Ronald Dowding's avatar

See you in Rhode Island!

I still laugh about the Bad Song Survey. My favorite entry was “Ain’t No Woman Like The One-eyed Gott”!!

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Oscar Gordon's avatar

So you wrote a column about a book that was about your columns. Let’s see Neil Diamond do THAT!

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Peter Nicoll's avatar

OMG - I love the comments as much as the article itself!

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Bill Dunn's avatar

I agree, Peter. All the comments here prove that many of Dave's fans are, um, not taking their medication.

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Susie's avatar

Hear hear!!! We’re hilarious!

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Bill Dunn's avatar

Barrington, RI? Really? I have relatives there, so I just bought 4 tickets for your lecture/book signing/trumpet solo event. But really...Barrington, RI?? Who booked THAT stop on your tour, the beneficiary of your life insurance policy?

MerryCatholic.substack.com

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Dave Barry's avatar

I'm not 100 percent sure it's an actual place.

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Bill Dunn's avatar

No, it's a real place. But it makes Armonk, NY, look like midtown Manhattan ... with lots of fried clams.

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Jennifer Armerding's avatar

Coming to Seattle! At that point in this Tour d’Dave I expect you to be on at least partial life support. Bringing my dad, who just turned 89, and my son, who turns 33 on the 19th and who always laughs louder than is socially acceptable. Can’t wait.

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Scott Applebaum's avatar

Apparently, you have ignored Watching Booby Grow and Ice Ice Baby in your short list of awful song lyrics. I am 150 years old and the words continue to haunt my well being.

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Dave Barry's avatar

"Watching Booby Grow?"

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Peter Kongstvedt's avatar

I once did a book signing at a professional conference and one guy came up to the table, looked at the book and told the staffer he wanted to buy it. The staffer handed it to me and I asked him his name. The guy snatched the book out of my hands and said “I don’t want any writing on it!” Oh well. Sold a book at least.

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Natasha's avatar

Was the book about understanding OCD?

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Peter Kongstvedt's avatar

No, but that would have been a good guess!

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Clay Morgan's avatar

I haven't been this excited for a new book since I found the answer key to my entire senior year of Spanish tests. Just be sure they don't try to put you on premature permanent display at the American Writers Museum.

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Bob Leibrock's avatar

Since you are planning to fly right over DFW airport, why not just land there and have a book signing? We Texans will show up! Might even buy a few copies.

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Lynne Larkin's avatar

Apologies, I've had a LITTLE too much caffeine today - just noting that everyone has at least one godawful earworm going, so THANK YOU, DAVE! :)

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Louise's avatar

Yes, W.C. Fields singing, "Chickens Have Pretty Legs in Kansas".

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Lynne Larkin's avatar

Thank you for the poll, I was going to say "honey" is much worse than "I am a chair" or whatever it is. Ask Clint Eastwood, he has chairs listening to him.

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Susie's avatar

Niiiiiiiice Eastwood reference. 👏🏻

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Lynne Larkin's avatar

Aww, thank you! 🙏

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Douglas Mackay's avatar

Forever a fan. You wrote a nice note (meaning short and clever) to my wife, Jane, who was writing short and clever (meaning nice) magazine pieces. Remember magazines? And you probably inspired my cousin, Sandy Boynton, who shares your perspectives.

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