Time for an ode to rural North Carolina and simpler times of over 46 years ago:
A beautiful young lady was being evasive and refused a “Barney Fife” like male’s advances . . . Like TWICE! A chance encounter (of all places) was at a dry cleaners where the dude was picking up a couple of his business suits, and the young, beautiful lady just happened to be there talking to the lady proprietor.
Word had made the gossip circuit of the dude’s planned “pig pickin’” the evening before New Years Eve, and the business proprietor asked how it was going and that led to the business proprietor looking at the beautiful young lady and asking: “Lynn, you ought to go with Beacham!” Beacham responded, “Yeah, Lynn!” Lynn was hopelessly trapped and pulled the “escape latch” by saying: “Yes.”
A couple of days later I - and a good male friend - were at a country cabin by a pond cooking the pig over a pit of oak and hickory coals. Thank goodness “smart phones” didn’t exist in the late 1970’s, as he later learned that the beautiful young lady was trying to call him at his office and at his home to cancel the “date” without any success.
As late afternoon arrived the dude actually went home to shower and clean up for the date; driving to her house where she was finishing off her shot of courage: a Harvey Wallbanger!
About 40 people attended the event that evening, the barbecue was delicious, and the beautiful young lady enjoyed herself and was safely returned to her home afterward.
Six months later we were “Mr. & Mrs.” - a point that I attribute to my pig cookin’ skills.
Of course, the entire fire department would attend if the modern urban dudes of dudettes attempted the same in a tightly packed city or suburb, but it sure proves that it is better in the country - and today, leaving your smart phones at home ain’t always a bad idea !
OK so right now I am classifying my relationship as a step marriage. We are not legally married but we have been together for 19 years. We are both divorced. It is going well no possibility of more children. She has 2 boys I have 2 boys all grown at least old enough to be grown.
However after 18 years of marriage it was a long process to get where I am at.
Internet dating!
More than once I started dating someone to find out their ex was living in a tree house in their back yard. Really! Also more than once relationships became stagnant because their ex couldn't be found because they stopped taking their meds. Their ex's meds was really a big thing it also constantly happened I guess men are that nuts! I mean I didn't care but it certainly caused the possible relationship to ground to a halt.
My children were living with me and women couldn't handle that. Apparently only they can live with children. Men are supposed to be free agents and do everything they need for the women at any time. Certainly ideal if you don't live with your children.
A number of times I got calls from their ex threatening me with bodily harm. They were divorced!
Anyway, Yes I am holding on to my step-marriage and I probably need to find new meds.
I do have way more stories. Plus I learned the hard way that when you go on a date with someone it is a good idea while on the date to remember their name.
Let’s talk genetic memories. Wives steal food, too. Mostly 65% of the appetizer they say they didn’t want. Those single women are just mimicking “successful” members of the pack. It helps if you can hear this comment in an Attenborough voice.
“Like”: That’s been a verbal crutch for *decades* now. C’mon, you young people, get a new oh-so-annoying word to interject, like, 50 times into every, like, sentence 🙄 - change it up! “Like” is so, like, stale.
Other verbal crutches I hate: “fuck”; “y’know”; and “I don’t know”. Call me pet peevey, but fuck, y’know, like, I don’t know.
(It's not just you. Many of us born before the "emoji" struggle - I do, and I'm 56. I think it all started in the late '60s - early '70s with the inane "Have a Nice Day" smiley face.)
😅. Good ol’ Kilroy! I liked that doodle! At least it took some skill to draw. I never really thought it was saying anything though. ‘Course, “Have a Nice Day” isn’t really saying anything, either.
Thank god SOMEONE is finally spreading the word about the dangers of modern beach-walking. I’m almost completely sure my lack of a partner is due to sudden quicksand attacks dramatically reducing the number of potential mates.
Teenage dating certainly doesn't resemble the way it was when I was younger, for sure. We would hover over a Pac-Man machine and hope some hotties would swing by and want to watch our mastery of guiding Blinky in decapitating his rivals. Never dawned on me back then that there was a mantis-like strategy there in the making.
This is a scholarly comment. I'm confirming the study. Each spring for the last 10 or more years, I spend time watching American wood frogs in their mating rituals in a vernal pool near my house. Indeed, females can hide to avoid being harassed by the many males who gang up on them, squirm on top of them, and fight other males while the female is below the water cursing and wishing they'd all go away. As the article said, this is called "explosive breeding." In our vernal pool, there are many more males than females. Eventually, a male will secure his place on her back after fighting off the unlucky males and they swim in a position called amplexus until the female lays eggs and the male fertilizes them. I've seen females leap 10 feet to get away from the males. I would do the same had I the legs of a female frog. I also liked your name for the female frog. Nice research, Dave.
I have wood frogs, I call them peepers, they are so loud in the spring I have to shut the doors. I guess it's kind of like spring break. But they are so small, how do you spot them? Plus all the shrieking happens in the evening and night. I guess it's the females trying to get away.
Wood frogs are different than peepers. Spring peepers come out about the same time and have a high pitched call. Wood frogs have a lower pitch "quack" and are much larger. Peepers are an inch long at best.
Spring peepers are tree frogs so they are small. A peeper has been living in one of my garden beds this summer because I water the garden. Otherwise, until the past couple of days, we hadn't had rain for a month at least. I have a child's swimming pool for frogs too. We live in the forest. Both male wood frogs and spring peepers only vocalize during mating season in the spring. I tried to show wildlife in a Substack but it wasn't a hit. Ha.
In second grade I gave a cute little girl a valentine that said “I like you, do you like me?” Her response was “Yes, if you are rich.” Another romance never meant to be.
I’m, like, glad that I’m married and have not (yet) been decapitated.
The secret to happy marriage: I took my wife to Hongkong for our tenth anniversary. For our twentieth I think I'll go back to get her.
Is that you, Henny Youngman?
I don't get no respect.
That's because you're not respectable.
I laughed out loud
Make some comment about how your wife is a shitty driver, then see what happens.
My lovely wife is a much better driver than I am. But I would never tell her that.
wus!
Guilty!
He would wish for decapitation.
Please check in with us later just so we know you’re still ok.
The evening is young!!
I like your attitude, it's all about having gratitude.
Beats hell out of baditude …
Give it time. Tomorrow is another day to get decapitated by Mrs. Morris.
Maybe that explains this terrible headache I've had since my wedding night 🤔
We are collectively somewhat sorry for you, but the overwhelming mass of people I have surveyed be a great deal more sorrow for your poor wife
The last time I went out with a man, I kissed him and he turned into a frog. So, I have given up.
To make matters worse, that frog then tried to hit up a female frog, who then pretended to be dead to avoid mating with him.
My take on dating:
I once crossed the street and saw my ex and her new guy get hit by a bus. I thought, “Wow! That could have been me!”...
then I remembered I can’t drive a bus.
"....the male’s body can continue to mate because the nerve center that controls the mating movements is located in the abdomen, not the head."
Recent advances in medical research have determined that it is the same in humans.
Like, ew!
I didn't realize the dating scene in NYC was so bad that women are resorting to trying to date salad eating guys!
(There are times, a married Gen X'er, that I feel like I managed to get on the last chopper out of the Saigon of dating).
I do not believe my late husband EVER ate a salad for lunch.
_I_ never ate a salad for lunch until I met my charming wife. Dating Pro Tip: Marry a biochemist with whom you first communicated in writing.
My first thought was that guys don't want to go out with young women who say "like" every other word.
Time for an ode to rural North Carolina and simpler times of over 46 years ago:
A beautiful young lady was being evasive and refused a “Barney Fife” like male’s advances . . . Like TWICE! A chance encounter (of all places) was at a dry cleaners where the dude was picking up a couple of his business suits, and the young, beautiful lady just happened to be there talking to the lady proprietor.
Word had made the gossip circuit of the dude’s planned “pig pickin’” the evening before New Years Eve, and the business proprietor asked how it was going and that led to the business proprietor looking at the beautiful young lady and asking: “Lynn, you ought to go with Beacham!” Beacham responded, “Yeah, Lynn!” Lynn was hopelessly trapped and pulled the “escape latch” by saying: “Yes.”
A couple of days later I - and a good male friend - were at a country cabin by a pond cooking the pig over a pit of oak and hickory coals. Thank goodness “smart phones” didn’t exist in the late 1970’s, as he later learned that the beautiful young lady was trying to call him at his office and at his home to cancel the “date” without any success.
As late afternoon arrived the dude actually went home to shower and clean up for the date; driving to her house where she was finishing off her shot of courage: a Harvey Wallbanger!
About 40 people attended the event that evening, the barbecue was delicious, and the beautiful young lady enjoyed herself and was safely returned to her home afterward.
Six months later we were “Mr. & Mrs.” - a point that I attribute to my pig cookin’ skills.
Of course, the entire fire department would attend if the modern urban dudes of dudettes attempted the same in a tightly packed city or suburb, but it sure proves that it is better in the country - and today, leaving your smart phones at home ain’t always a bad idea !
At times like these I really miss Nurse Cindy.
Super story!
As a female praying mantis, I’d say the dating scene is just fine.
...and you are rarely hungry after mating.
I just enjoy a post-coital, post-dinner cigarette and wonder how to get rid of the body that’s now lying on my leaf…
😏
You are on fire today Wis!!
OK so right now I am classifying my relationship as a step marriage. We are not legally married but we have been together for 19 years. We are both divorced. It is going well no possibility of more children. She has 2 boys I have 2 boys all grown at least old enough to be grown.
However after 18 years of marriage it was a long process to get where I am at.
Internet dating!
More than once I started dating someone to find out their ex was living in a tree house in their back yard. Really! Also more than once relationships became stagnant because their ex couldn't be found because they stopped taking their meds. Their ex's meds was really a big thing it also constantly happened I guess men are that nuts! I mean I didn't care but it certainly caused the possible relationship to ground to a halt.
My children were living with me and women couldn't handle that. Apparently only they can live with children. Men are supposed to be free agents and do everything they need for the women at any time. Certainly ideal if you don't live with your children.
A number of times I got calls from their ex threatening me with bodily harm. They were divorced!
Anyway, Yes I am holding on to my step-marriage and I probably need to find new meds.
I do have way more stories. Plus I learned the hard way that when you go on a date with someone it is a good idea while on the date to remember their name.
This makes me feel so much better that I told my ex in no uncertain terms that he could not live in my backyard in a yurt.
Her kids have it away.
Let’s talk genetic memories. Wives steal food, too. Mostly 65% of the appetizer they say they didn’t want. Those single women are just mimicking “successful” members of the pack. It helps if you can hear this comment in an Attenborough voice.
I went back and started over and read it in Attenboroughese. Thanks. Big difference. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
“Like”: That’s been a verbal crutch for *decades* now. C’mon, you young people, get a new oh-so-annoying word to interject, like, 50 times into every, like, sentence 🙄 - change it up! “Like” is so, like, stale.
Other verbal crutches I hate: “fuck”; “y’know”; and “I don’t know”. Call me pet peevey, but fuck, y’know, like, I don’t know.
IKR?
Har! iykyk!
Every time I hear “like”, I just substitute “analogy”. Clears everything up & I am not offended…
(It's not just you. Many of us born before the "emoji" struggle - I do, and I'm 56. I think it all started in the late '60s - early '70s with the inane "Have a Nice Day" smiley face.)
😅. Good ol’ Kilroy! I liked that doodle! At least it took some skill to draw. I never really thought it was saying anything though. ‘Course, “Have a Nice Day” isn’t really saying anything, either.
I love a thesaurus!
What’s another name for a thesaurus?
Thank god SOMEONE is finally spreading the word about the dangers of modern beach-walking. I’m almost completely sure my lack of a partner is due to sudden quicksand attacks dramatically reducing the number of potential mates.
“Hey, this is so random, but I think I, like, accidentally bit off your head of lettuce…”
Fantastic column again, Dave! Delighted that your Substack Era seems to be your best yet.
Teenage dating certainly doesn't resemble the way it was when I was younger, for sure. We would hover over a Pac-Man machine and hope some hotties would swing by and want to watch our mastery of guiding Blinky in decapitating his rivals. Never dawned on me back then that there was a mantis-like strategy there in the making.
The pac-man strategy resulted in “Gen Geek” being born.
This is a scholarly comment. I'm confirming the study. Each spring for the last 10 or more years, I spend time watching American wood frogs in their mating rituals in a vernal pool near my house. Indeed, females can hide to avoid being harassed by the many males who gang up on them, squirm on top of them, and fight other males while the female is below the water cursing and wishing they'd all go away. As the article said, this is called "explosive breeding." In our vernal pool, there are many more males than females. Eventually, a male will secure his place on her back after fighting off the unlucky males and they swim in a position called amplexus until the female lays eggs and the male fertilizes them. I've seen females leap 10 feet to get away from the males. I would do the same had I the legs of a female frog. I also liked your name for the female frog. Nice research, Dave.
I have wood frogs, I call them peepers, they are so loud in the spring I have to shut the doors. I guess it's kind of like spring break. But they are so small, how do you spot them? Plus all the shrieking happens in the evening and night. I guess it's the females trying to get away.
Wood frogs are different than peepers. Spring peepers come out about the same time and have a high pitched call. Wood frogs have a lower pitch "quack" and are much larger. Peepers are an inch long at best.
"an inch long at best"
Wait, are we talking about frogs, or something else?
Spring peepers are tree frogs so they are small. A peeper has been living in one of my garden beds this summer because I water the garden. Otherwise, until the past couple of days, we hadn't had rain for a month at least. I have a child's swimming pool for frogs too. We live in the forest. Both male wood frogs and spring peepers only vocalize during mating season in the spring. I tried to show wildlife in a Substack but it wasn't a hit. Ha.
Thanks for that! I do have big green frogs in my pond! Squeaker and Skipperdee
Male pigeons on the same wavelength.... stalkers and pests.
Modern dating sounds less like romance and more like The Hunger Games: Salad Edition. May the odds — and the vinaigrette — be ever in your favor.
In second grade I gave a cute little girl a valentine that said “I like you, do you like me?” Her response was “Yes, if you are rich.” Another romance never meant to be.