Those of you and Mr. Barry who are calling for hearings have obviously never watched a hearing. They are the constitutional equivalent of changing purses for several hours.
Our weed wacker manual had a diagram of how one should dress to use the thing--in a hazmat suit like you're wacking weeds at Chernobyl. I knew it was a prank diagram because a real man would wear shorts and flip-flops and then track grass cuttings to bed. Allegedly.
Don't you just hate it when you're so stressed about being late for something and you still get there in time for the event? Happens to me all the time with my brother (who we had to tell his wedding was an hour earlier just to get him there on time)
And actually I think the Redundant Purses is the best band name this week.
Brother? That's actually a little surprising. I commented on my sister earlier. Years ago, she was to pick me up at the airport. Independently from each other, one of my other sisters, our mom, and I all lied the same hour earlier. My plane was 20 minutes late and she told me she JUST got there when it landed.
Oh yes , he's normally a half hour late for EVERYTHING. Even his appts with clients. And they're used to it. We have basketball season tix and he always drives. He's a little better now (just with games) but I can't count the number of times we missed the first quarter since we started in the 70s.
I think in fairness to the Baves of this world, the outing in your example should be a little more time-sensitive. Say, for example, Bave and Nichelle need to catch the last run of a seasonal ferry, the missing of which will leave them stranded for six months on a small island with no grocery store or health care facilities. And maybe further that, once back to the mainland, they’ll be attending a family wedding, funeral, or reunion, the missing of which will estrange them from the people they love most in all the world for the rest of their lives. And also, for good measure, that one of the 157 items in Nichelle’s purse might be able to prevent World War Three if, during the ferry ride, a CIA operative frantically trying to defuse an intricate bomb, calls out: “Does anyone here have a tube of Midnight Cerulean lipstick?”
Yes, but it's my outsider's observation that two-word lipstick names are required to be somewhere on the spectrum between a non sequitur and a contradiction in terms.
In fairness, any business with lots of color options is going to struggle with naming. This applies to everything from paint to cars. What you or I would call off-white was Pantone’s color of the year under the name Cloud Dancer.
If men realized that ignoring climate change could cause them to wind up with their personal Strait of Hormuz being reduced to a single button (judging by the chart), they might do something about it.
Well you wouldn't, would you? I'm impressed by Scottish ingenuity. After all, they get all the benefits like delayed purse deliveries from seizing the Strait of Hormuz without having to actually DO so. Lang may yer lum reek!
It's funny how my wife being chronically late, just as you described, is directly correlated to whether or not she actually WANTS to go where we're going. When she doesn't, which is usually the case, she's always late. But miraculously, when she does, she's right on time. Net/net: it's not a character flaw ... it's code.
I am a person of the female gender, and used to read manuals. Then, Lo, there was YouTube, and you could actually see a person putting together the object in question. AND you could reverse the video and watch the tricky parts as many times as necessary! No more struggles to understand "Tighten the fleeblenut counterclockwise four times with the hydrospanner (not included.)"
When I got a harness for our new puppy, I had to watch that YouTube video approximately 16,895 times before I was even close to getting it on him. I cannot imagine how long we would have struggled (the dog & I) if I'd had to use the 3-picture guide instead. Probably would have thrown the harness away in despair.
I noted, quite humorously, to both of my ex-wives that men could accomplish so much more if they didn't spend so much time waiting on women to get ready. I guess I told them! Signed, Plaintiff.
Almost 90 years ago -- 90! -- James Thurber's "The Case Against Women" appeared in The New Yorker. It covered exactly the same ground, word for word, except for gas grills, zipper length, Apple watches, thermonuclear war, Purina Tiger Chow and the Strait of Hormuz. See, identical. And yet we have learned nothing. I can't wait to see who writes about this 90 years from now. Probably AI.
I asked him to make me toast while I took a shower. When I came out of the shower, I smelled smoke. The toaster was on fire. Thankfully everything was fine. We threw out the toaster and the house didn't burn down. But I had used that toaster every day and nothing happened, but when he used it..... it gets set on fire!
Mr MOTW once ruined a toaster by putting olive oil on the bread before engaging the toast function. This caused the heated oil to drip down into the crevices of the toaster and overflow the crumb tray onto the counter. (He likes olive oil a lot.) Any subsequent attempt to engage the toaster cause a massive amount of smoke to belch forth like Smaug. There was no way to take the toaster apart to clean it out (design flaw), so I had to purchase a new toaster and threaten him not to put anything on the bread item before toasting.
I threw my flaming toaster oven out into my backyard when my husband decided to broil something, despite the warning right on the oven's glass door: DO NOT BROIL. Thank you for making this public--maybe we should form a support group.
From experience, many objects in said purses are a result of the purse-less (man) expecting the woman with purse to add said man’s wallet, keys, book, chapstick, extra shoes, general pocket junk, etc. to the purse. And then there is the purse as spare diaper bag…
Those of you and Mr. Barry who are calling for hearings have obviously never watched a hearing. They are the constitutional equivalent of changing purses for several hours.
Especially while the purse changers rail and grandstand.........
Damn. Too late to change my vote, then?
😂😂😂😂 so true. Never mind - no more hearings 😉
I’m almost ready to write a comment. Just a sec…
As Judge Smails would say, "We're waitingggggg...."
😆
Our weed wacker manual had a diagram of how one should dress to use the thing--in a hazmat suit like you're wacking weeds at Chernobyl. I knew it was a prank diagram because a real man would wear shorts and flip-flops and then track grass cuttings to bed. Allegedly.
You had me at allegedly. 🤣🤣
You should/should not Google: NEJM weedwacker nail injury. A Hazmat suit is barely sufficient protection.
It's about time that MEN have to stand in line for public bathrooms too.
UConn basketball games. Approximately 8 urinals (3 out of order) for 11,000 people. I finally understood what the ladies have been enduring forever.
MerryCatholic.substack.com
Don't you just hate it when you're so stressed about being late for something and you still get there in time for the event? Happens to me all the time with my brother (who we had to tell his wedding was an hour earlier just to get him there on time)
And actually I think the Redundant Purses is the best band name this week.
Brother? That's actually a little surprising. I commented on my sister earlier. Years ago, she was to pick me up at the airport. Independently from each other, one of my other sisters, our mom, and I all lied the same hour earlier. My plane was 20 minutes late and she told me she JUST got there when it landed.
Oh yes , he's normally a half hour late for EVERYTHING. Even his appts with clients. And they're used to it. We have basketball season tix and he always drives. He's a little better now (just with games) but I can't count the number of times we missed the first quarter since we started in the 70s.
Also, you're right - Redundant Purses is a good one.
I think in fairness to the Baves of this world, the outing in your example should be a little more time-sensitive. Say, for example, Bave and Nichelle need to catch the last run of a seasonal ferry, the missing of which will leave them stranded for six months on a small island with no grocery store or health care facilities. And maybe further that, once back to the mainland, they’ll be attending a family wedding, funeral, or reunion, the missing of which will estrange them from the people they love most in all the world for the rest of their lives. And also, for good measure, that one of the 157 items in Nichelle’s purse might be able to prevent World War Three if, during the ferry ride, a CIA operative frantically trying to defuse an intricate bomb, calls out: “Does anyone here have a tube of Midnight Cerulean lipstick?”
That could happen.
I suspect that would be in her other purse...
Six months or a three hour tour.
You must live near Puget Sound, too.
In my youth.
The Midnight Ceruleans---perfect band name!
Since Mr. Language Person isn't here right now, allow me to step in and point out that midnight and cerulean would be mutually exclusive.
Apparently not! I went right out & googled Midnight Cerulean when I saw it, and look! :https://imagecolorpicker.com/color-code/294580
Yes, but it's my outsider's observation that two-word lipstick names are required to be somewhere on the spectrum between a non sequitur and a contradiction in terms.
You should peruse the offerings of the OPI nail polish webpage.
In fairness, any business with lots of color options is going to struggle with naming. This applies to everything from paint to cars. What you or I would call off-white was Pantone’s color of the year under the name Cloud Dancer.
Isn't it remarkable how many obscure things all of us Barryans learn.....?!?
There is the old saying: ‘Women’s faults are many, but men have only two: everything they say, and everything they do.’
I, personally, would pay a streaming service to watch Bernie Sanders grill a zipper executive. Then again, I have no life.
If men realized that ignoring climate change could cause them to wind up with their personal Strait of Hormuz being reduced to a single button (judging by the chart), they might do something about it.
Watching Senator Sanders is so stressful that it may actually shorten our lives.....
I'm Scottish and I don't know anything about zippers...
Well you wouldn't, would you? I'm impressed by Scottish ingenuity. After all, they get all the benefits like delayed purse deliveries from seizing the Strait of Hormuz without having to actually DO so. Lang may yer lum reek!
Of course. Kilts don't have zippers.
I believe that was the joke.
But they do have sporrans!
It's funny how my wife being chronically late, just as you described, is directly correlated to whether or not she actually WANTS to go where we're going. When she doesn't, which is usually the case, she's always late. But miraculously, when she does, she's right on time. Net/net: it's not a character flaw ... it's code.
I am a person of the female gender, and used to read manuals. Then, Lo, there was YouTube, and you could actually see a person putting together the object in question. AND you could reverse the video and watch the tricky parts as many times as necessary! No more struggles to understand "Tighten the fleeblenut counterclockwise four times with the hydrospanner (not included.)"
Once I was given a paper frog lamp made in China. The instructions said: "Warning! This is not a toys! Insert bulb and screw."
I had a 1977 Toyota Corolla and on the radiator cap it read, “Keep cap close usually.”
(laughing) "But only *one* of them will fit!"
If I had a dime...
YouTube instructional videos are awesome!
I feel like the guy who reminds me how to shut off my watch alarm is my buddy.
When I got a harness for our new puppy, I had to watch that YouTube video approximately 16,895 times before I was even close to getting it on him. I cannot imagine how long we would have struggled (the dog & I) if I'd had to use the 3-picture guide instead. Probably would have thrown the harness away in despair.
or your dog would have perceived your effort as so endearing that he may have lovingly heeled henceforth, harness or no harness..........
To that, I say, "Hahahahahahahaaa!" He was a damn lively puppy!
I noted, quite humorously, to both of my ex-wives that men could accomplish so much more if they didn't spend so much time waiting on women to get ready. I guess I told them! Signed, Plaintiff.
Probably defendant.
True that. My mistake.
LOL. One of my lawyers once referred to me as "a sophisticated consumer of legal product."
Signed, Defendant. Read the wrong line on the court documents.
I think “The Shrinking Zippers” is a superb name for a rock band, especially if you need to come up with one on the fly…
*rimshot*
Damn! So good!!!👏🏻🤣👏🏻
Almost 90 years ago -- 90! -- James Thurber's "The Case Against Women" appeared in The New Yorker. It covered exactly the same ground, word for word, except for gas grills, zipper length, Apple watches, thermonuclear war, Purina Tiger Chow and the Strait of Hormuz. See, identical. And yet we have learned nothing. I can't wait to see who writes about this 90 years from now. Probably AI.
You’ve been around a long time!
Thurber of course was notorious for his bad relationships and felt guilty as heck for mocking people towards the end of his life. .
My husband once almost burned the house down when I asked him to make me toast.
They are afraid if they do it right, they might have to do it again.
That is called “competent incompetence.” Also applies to doing laundry
Once is not a trend.
Force majeur
What a story!!! Honey maybe you didn’t hear me. I asked you to toast the bread not the house?!
Did he really? How did he do that?
I asked him to make me toast while I took a shower. When I came out of the shower, I smelled smoke. The toaster was on fire. Thankfully everything was fine. We threw out the toaster and the house didn't burn down. But I had used that toaster every day and nothing happened, but when he used it..... it gets set on fire!
Mr MOTW once ruined a toaster by putting olive oil on the bread before engaging the toast function. This caused the heated oil to drip down into the crevices of the toaster and overflow the crumb tray onto the counter. (He likes olive oil a lot.) Any subsequent attempt to engage the toaster cause a massive amount of smoke to belch forth like Smaug. There was no way to take the toaster apart to clean it out (design flaw), so I had to purchase a new toaster and threaten him not to put anything on the bread item before toasting.
He still thinks I was wrong about that.
🤣🤣🤣 Excellent story! (He probably was just thinking he needed to kill time until you were out of the shower.)
So do I.
I threw my flaming toaster oven out into my backyard when my husband decided to broil something, despite the warning right on the oven's glass door: DO NOT BROIL. Thank you for making this public--maybe we should form a support group.
The Flaming Toasters could be a great name for a rock band. (Sorry.)
And apologies to SF power pop/pre-punk band The Flamin' Groovies.
You beat me to it!
It sure would!!
Very funny!!
Would have been safer to bring the toaster into the shower with you.
That is eerie. It's just like the toilet paper roll! Every time I use it it's empty!
At least it wasn't a Pop-Tart.
That’s not his fault, it’s a product defect from an unreasonably dangerous device. Contact Morgan & Morgan at once!
Oh boo hoo. Shrinking zippers. Do you know how long women have been fighting to get actual functioning pockets? I think it's literally centuries.
BUT YOU HAVE PURSES.
Of course. A result of no pockets.
From experience, many objects in said purses are a result of the purse-less (man) expecting the woman with purse to add said man’s wallet, keys, book, chapstick, extra shoes, general pocket junk, etc. to the purse. And then there is the purse as spare diaper bag…
Hey. What's wrong with a good man-purse?? Just saying.
It's not a purse. It's European!
(speaking as a woman) Man purses look much more attractive and functional than other purses. I especially like Jesus' purse on The Chosen.
Nooo! Not when I workout or go for a walk..