Those of you and Mr. Barry who are calling for hearings have obviously never watched a hearing. They are the constitutional equivalent of changing purses for several hours.
I would add that watching Congressional hearings is the equivalent of changing purses while undergoing root canal without anesthesia, by an endodontist who is experiencing a grand mal seizure. (But maybe I am exaggerating here just a bit. Or not.)
Our weed wacker manual had a diagram of how one should dress to use the thing--in a hazmat suit like you're wacking weeds at Chernobyl. I knew it was a prank diagram because a real man would wear shorts and flip-flops and then track grass cuttings to bed. Allegedly.
I went to a sporting goods store and bought a full set of used baseball catcher’s gear to wear while weed whacking. The first time I used the shin guards I immediately regretted throwing away the cup that came with the set. Oooof!
I think in fairness to the Baves of this world, the outing in your example should be a little more time-sensitive. Say, for example, Bave and Nichelle need to catch the last run of a seasonal ferry, the missing of which will leave them stranded for six months on a small island with no grocery store or health care facilities. And maybe further that, once back to the mainland, they’ll be attending a family wedding, funeral, or reunion, the missing of which will estrange them from the people they love most in all the world for the rest of their lives. And also, for good measure, that one of the 157 items in Nichelle’s purse might be able to prevent World War Three if, during the ferry ride, a CIA operative frantically trying to defuse an intricate bomb, calls out: “Does anyone here have a tube of Midnight Cerulean lipstick?”
Yes, but it's my outsider's observation that two-word lipstick names are required to be somewhere on the spectrum between a non sequitur and a contradiction in terms.
In fairness, any business with lots of color options is going to struggle with naming. This applies to everything from paint to cars. What you or I would call off-white was Pantone’s color of the year under the name Cloud Dancer.
Not that I’m biased, but I think we are some of the most interesting and well- informed people we know. And, while the disadvantages of the Internet are legion, I do love it as a source of endless trivia. Thank you, Cloudy Rockwell, for sharing that bit about Midnight Cerulean! 😊
Don't you just hate it when you're so stressed about being late for something and you still get there in time for the event? Happens to me all the time with my brother (who we had to tell his wedding was an hour earlier just to get him there on time)
And actually I think the Redundant Purses is the best band name this week.
Brother? That's actually a little surprising. I commented on my sister earlier. Years ago, she was to pick me up at the airport. Independently from each other, one of my other sisters, our mom, and I all lied the same hour earlier. My plane was 20 minutes late and she told me she JUST got there when it landed.
Oh yes , he's normally a half hour late for EVERYTHING. Even his appts with clients. And they're used to it. We have basketball season tix and he always drives. He's a little better now (just with games) but I can't count the number of times we missed the first quarter since we started in the 70s.
If men realized that ignoring climate change could cause them to wind up with their personal Strait of Hormuz being reduced to a single button (judging by the chart), they might do something about it.
I am a person of the female gender, and used to read manuals. Then, Lo, there was YouTube, and you could actually see a person putting together the object in question. AND you could reverse the video and watch the tricky parts as many times as necessary! No more struggles to understand "Tighten the fleeblenut counterclockwise four times with the hydrospanner (not included.)"
When I got a harness for our new puppy, I had to watch that YouTube video approximately 16,895 times before I was even close to getting it on him. I cannot imagine how long we would have struggled (the dog & I) if I'd had to use the 3-picture guide instead. Probably would have thrown the harness away in despair.
Well you wouldn't, would you? I'm impressed by Scottish ingenuity. After all, they get all the benefits like delayed purse deliveries from seizing the Strait of Hormuz without having to actually DO so. Lang may yer lum reek!
It's funny how my wife being chronically late, just as you described, is directly correlated to whether or not she actually WANTS to go where we're going. When she doesn't, which is usually the case, she's always late. But miraculously, when she does, she's right on time. Net/net: it's not a character flaw ... it's code.
I noted, quite humorously, to both of my ex-wives that men could accomplish so much more if they didn't spend so much time waiting on women to get ready. I guess I told them! Signed, Plaintiff.
So Bave paces around while Nichelle gets ready. She fills the dog's water bowl, checks that the iron is unplugged, the stove is off, the lights are off, and that she has everything she needs in her purse, which doubles as an emergency bag in case war starts while they are watching the movie. She adds granola bars and bandaids. She locks the house doors. She gets in the car, where Bave is waiting with his hands on the wheel. She closes the door, fastens her seatbelt, pats her purse, and Bave says, "Okay, tell me how we get there."
From experience, many objects in said purses are a result of the purse-less (man) expecting the woman with purse to add said man’s wallet, keys, book, chapstick, extra shoes, general pocket junk, etc. to the purse. And then there is the purse as spare diaper bag…
Almost 90 years ago -- 90! -- James Thurber's "The Case Against Women" appeared in The New Yorker. It covered exactly the same ground, word for word, except for gas grills, zipper length, Apple watches, thermonuclear war, Purina Tiger Chow and the Strait of Hormuz. See, identical. And yet we have learned nothing. I can't wait to see who writes about this 90 years from now. Probably AI.
Those of you and Mr. Barry who are calling for hearings have obviously never watched a hearing. They are the constitutional equivalent of changing purses for several hours.
Especially while the purse changers rail and grandstand.........
I would add that watching Congressional hearings is the equivalent of changing purses while undergoing root canal without anesthesia, by an endodontist who is experiencing a grand mal seizure. (But maybe I am exaggerating here just a bit. Or not.)
Damn. Too late to change my vote, then?
Also, the line is getting longer.
😂😂😂😂 so true. Never mind - no more hearings 😉
Not these days.
I’m almost ready to write a comment. Just a sec…
As Judge Smails would say, "We're waitingggggg...."
😆
Our weed wacker manual had a diagram of how one should dress to use the thing--in a hazmat suit like you're wacking weeds at Chernobyl. I knew it was a prank diagram because a real man would wear shorts and flip-flops and then track grass cuttings to bed. Allegedly.
You had me at allegedly. 🤣🤣
You should/should not Google: NEJM weedwacker nail injury. A Hazmat suit is barely sufficient protection.
I went to a sporting goods store and bought a full set of used baseball catcher’s gear to wear while weed whacking. The first time I used the shin guards I immediately regretted throwing away the cup that came with the set. Oooof!
It's about time that MEN have to stand in line for public bathrooms too.
UConn basketball games. Approximately 8 urinals (3 out of order) for 11,000 people. I finally understood what the ladies have been enduring forever.
MerryCatholic.substack.com
I think in fairness to the Baves of this world, the outing in your example should be a little more time-sensitive. Say, for example, Bave and Nichelle need to catch the last run of a seasonal ferry, the missing of which will leave them stranded for six months on a small island with no grocery store or health care facilities. And maybe further that, once back to the mainland, they’ll be attending a family wedding, funeral, or reunion, the missing of which will estrange them from the people they love most in all the world for the rest of their lives. And also, for good measure, that one of the 157 items in Nichelle’s purse might be able to prevent World War Three if, during the ferry ride, a CIA operative frantically trying to defuse an intricate bomb, calls out: “Does anyone here have a tube of Midnight Cerulean lipstick?”
I suspect that would be in her other purse...
Six months or a three hour tour.
That could happen.
You must live near Puget Sound, too.
In my youth.
The Midnight Ceruleans---perfect band name!
Since Mr. Language Person isn't here right now, allow me to step in and point out that midnight and cerulean would be mutually exclusive.
Apparently not! I went right out & googled Midnight Cerulean when I saw it, and look! :https://imagecolorpicker.com/color-code/294580
Yes, but it's my outsider's observation that two-word lipstick names are required to be somewhere on the spectrum between a non sequitur and a contradiction in terms.
You should peruse the offerings of the OPI nail polish webpage.
In fairness, any business with lots of color options is going to struggle with naming. This applies to everything from paint to cars. What you or I would call off-white was Pantone’s color of the year under the name Cloud Dancer.
Isn't it remarkable how many obscure things all of us Barryans learn.....?!?
Not that I’m biased, but I think we are some of the most interesting and well- informed people we know. And, while the disadvantages of the Internet are legion, I do love it as a source of endless trivia. Thank you, Cloudy Rockwell, for sharing that bit about Midnight Cerulean! 😊
and, significantly for our health, we enjoy laughing :-)
Indeed, sir. Laughter truly is, as the old saying goes, the best medicine.
And please have a meaningful Memorial Day.
Laughter and love are indeed excellent medicine. (I'm a woman, but thank you for your wishes, and I wish you a meaningful peaceful day as well.)
Don't you just hate it when you're so stressed about being late for something and you still get there in time for the event? Happens to me all the time with my brother (who we had to tell his wedding was an hour earlier just to get him there on time)
And actually I think the Redundant Purses is the best band name this week.
Brother? That's actually a little surprising. I commented on my sister earlier. Years ago, she was to pick me up at the airport. Independently from each other, one of my other sisters, our mom, and I all lied the same hour earlier. My plane was 20 minutes late and she told me she JUST got there when it landed.
Oh yes , he's normally a half hour late for EVERYTHING. Even his appts with clients. And they're used to it. We have basketball season tix and he always drives. He's a little better now (just with games) but I can't count the number of times we missed the first quarter since we started in the 70s.
Also, you're right - Redundant Purses is a good one.
I, personally, would pay a streaming service to watch Bernie Sanders grill a zipper executive. Then again, I have no life.
If men realized that ignoring climate change could cause them to wind up with their personal Strait of Hormuz being reduced to a single button (judging by the chart), they might do something about it.
Watching Senator Sanders is so stressful that it may actually shorten our lives.....
There is the old saying: ‘Women’s faults are many, but men have only two: everything they say, and everything they do.’
I think “The Shrinking Zippers” is a superb name for a rock band, especially if you need to come up with one on the fly…
*rimshot*
Damn! So good!!!👏🏻🤣👏🏻
Groan…you’re welcome.
I am a person of the female gender, and used to read manuals. Then, Lo, there was YouTube, and you could actually see a person putting together the object in question. AND you could reverse the video and watch the tricky parts as many times as necessary! No more struggles to understand "Tighten the fleeblenut counterclockwise four times with the hydrospanner (not included.)"
Once I was given a paper frog lamp made in China. The instructions said: "Warning! This is not a toys! Insert bulb and screw."
I had a 1977 Toyota Corolla and on the radiator cap it read, “Keep cap close usually.”
(laughing) "But only *one* of them will fit!"
If I had a dime...
When I got a harness for our new puppy, I had to watch that YouTube video approximately 16,895 times before I was even close to getting it on him. I cannot imagine how long we would have struggled (the dog & I) if I'd had to use the 3-picture guide instead. Probably would have thrown the harness away in despair.
or your dog would have perceived your effort as so endearing that he may have lovingly heeled henceforth, harness or no harness..........
To that, I say, "Hahahahahahahaaa!" He was a damn lively puppy!
YouTube instructional videos are awesome!
I feel like the guy who reminds me how to shut off my watch alarm is my buddy.
And you can slow down the playback speed too!
I'm Scottish and I don't know anything about zippers...
Well you wouldn't, would you? I'm impressed by Scottish ingenuity. After all, they get all the benefits like delayed purse deliveries from seizing the Strait of Hormuz without having to actually DO so. Lang may yer lum reek!
Of course. Kilts don't have zippers.
I believe that was the joke.
But they do have sporrans!
It's funny how my wife being chronically late, just as you described, is directly correlated to whether or not she actually WANTS to go where we're going. When she doesn't, which is usually the case, she's always late. But miraculously, when she does, she's right on time. Net/net: it's not a character flaw ... it's code.
I noted, quite humorously, to both of my ex-wives that men could accomplish so much more if they didn't spend so much time waiting on women to get ready. I guess I told them! Signed, Plaintiff.
Probably defendant.
True that. My mistake.
LOL. One of my lawyers once referred to me as "a sophisticated consumer of legal product."
Signed, Defendant. Read the wrong line on the court documents.
So Bave paces around while Nichelle gets ready. She fills the dog's water bowl, checks that the iron is unplugged, the stove is off, the lights are off, and that she has everything she needs in her purse, which doubles as an emergency bag in case war starts while they are watching the movie. She adds granola bars and bandaids. She locks the house doors. She gets in the car, where Bave is waiting with his hands on the wheel. She closes the door, fastens her seatbelt, pats her purse, and Bave says, "Okay, tell me how we get there."
Nailed it, Jill!
Oh boo hoo. Shrinking zippers. Do you know how long women have been fighting to get actual functioning pockets? I think it's literally centuries.
BUT YOU HAVE PURSES.
Of course. A result of no pockets.
From experience, many objects in said purses are a result of the purse-less (man) expecting the woman with purse to add said man’s wallet, keys, book, chapstick, extra shoes, general pocket junk, etc. to the purse. And then there is the purse as spare diaper bag…
They mock us until they need Tums, a Phillips-head screwdriver, or a packet of duck sauce.
Not to mention credit card, handkerchief and a socket wrench.
Hey. What's wrong with a good man-purse?? Just saying.
It's not a purse. It's European!
(speaking as a woman) Man purses look much more attractive and functional than other purses. I especially like Jesus' purse on The Chosen.
Nooo! Not when I workout or go for a walk..
That our entire family uses too!
Almost 90 years ago -- 90! -- James Thurber's "The Case Against Women" appeared in The New Yorker. It covered exactly the same ground, word for word, except for gas grills, zipper length, Apple watches, thermonuclear war, Purina Tiger Chow and the Strait of Hormuz. See, identical. And yet we have learned nothing. I can't wait to see who writes about this 90 years from now. Probably AI.
Thurber of course was notorious for his bad relationships and felt guilty as heck for mocking people towards the end of his life. .
I love the educational bits of the comments. Thanks for the Thurber bio bits!
You’ve been around a long time!