Breaking Car Wash Viagra Update

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I have a breaking news update to my investigative report from yesterday regarding the issue of whether or not a Miami car wash is selling discount Viagra from a vending machine. As you may recall, I was able to determine, using the investigative journalism technique of having my wife ask an employee, that the car wash, El Car Wash (a Spanish name, meaning, literally, "The Car Wash") is not, in fact selling discount Viagra, even though the website for that particular location said it was.

Today I can report exclusively that the website for the Bird Road location of El Car Wash has been edited, and no longer mentions Viagra:

At this time it is unclear why the website mentioned Viagra in the first place. Possibly it was hacked. The only way to get to the bottom of this would be to talk to somebody who might actually know something, and I am frankly too busy doing investigative Substack journalism to fritter away my time making telephone calls.

The important point, which I will emphasize by the technique of using capital letters, is that THERE CONTINUES TO BE NO TRUTH TO THE RUMOR THAT A MIAMI CAR WASH IS SELLING DISCOUNT VIAGRA FROM A VENDING MACHINE.

This is a good thing, because it would be a nightmare. I base this statement on the illustration at the beginning of this report, which was generated by Artificial Intelligence, or "AI" (or in Spanish, "El AI"). I asked AI to create an image depicting a vending machine selling discount Viagra pills in a car wash in Miami. If you look closely at the illustration that AI produced, you will note some troubling details:

First, the vending machine is located inside the car wash. People attempting to wash their cars would crash into it, which would tend to defeat the whole purpose of the car wash.

Second, the Viagra pills are the size of military pontoons. A person who tried to eat one would suffer immediate choking death, followed by an erection potentially lasting for years. In some cases it would be impossible to close the coffin.

Third, according to AI, we humans have been spelling “discrount” incorrectly all these years.

So we can all be grateful that there was no truth to this rumor. Let's put it behind us and, as a nation, move ahead to a future that is going to bright. At least according to AI.