I know I speak for all of us when I say that we will never forget exactly where we were this past Monday at 9:31 a.m. Eastern Daylight Time. It is a memory that we will keep forever, a memory that is imprinted on our brains as indelibly as the guacamole stain on our pillowcase from the time we attempted to eat a Burrito Supreme in bed. That is how unforgettable this memory is.
In case you've forgotten, I am referring to the launch of the historic Blue Origin space mission, which had us all literally riveted to our TV screens with literal rivets as we watched a historic astronaut crew consisting of Katy Perry, Jeff Bezos's fiancé, Oprah Winfrey's close personal friend Gayle King and several other historic women embark on a historic journey that lasted for nearly 11 historic minutes, during which they traveled, via space, from west Texas to a slightly different part of west Texas.
What made this so historic is that it was the first all-women crew to go into space since the 1963 mission of Soviet cosmonaut Valentina Vladimirovna Tereshkova, who spent three days alone in a capsule that orbited the Earth 48 times, traveling more than 1.2 million miles. On the surface, her flight may seem more impressive than the Blue Origin mission, but not when we factor in the fact that Katy Perry has over 200 million Instagram followers, whereas Tereshkova had zero.
On their historic space voyage the Blue Origin crew experienced weightlessness for several minutes, during which they were able to confirm a scientific observation made by previous space pioneers, namely that when you are weightless, you float around. Also they saw the Moon. “You guys!” were their exact words. “Look at the Moon!” This suggests that the the Moon is up there even during daytime, at least over Texas.
But this historic mission was about more than just scientific discovery. It was an inspiration, a beacon of hope that this nation desperately needed at a time when many Americans are worried about the U.S. economy, which currently appears to be a chip in a giant international poker game for which nobody knows the rules.
During this unsettling period, the Blue Origin flight serves as a reminder to all of us that, even when times are tough, we are a "can do" nation, a nation of opportunity, a nation where any individual, regardless of his or her circumstances, can go to space for 11 minutes, provided that he or she is Jeff Bezo's fiancé, or a famous pop star, or a close personal friend of Oprah's, or simply a person with several million spare dollars. In fact anybody — you, for example — can go to the Blue Origin website right now and apply for a seat on a future flight. All you have to do is fill out the form and check a box acknowledging that you will give them a $150,000 deposit.
If that seems like a lot of money, consider what you're getting: You're getting an opportunity to potentially give Blue Origin a lot more money, in exchange for potentially having an experience. You can't put a price on that, at least not until you get the final bill.
And if you still don't think it's worth it, maybe you'll change your mind when you read this actual quote emitted by Katy Perry after she returned to earth: "I think this experience has shown me you never know how much love is inside of you, like how much love you have to give, and how loved you are until the day you launch."
That is exactly is how I feel after my fourth margarita.
So I think we can all agree that, despite our problems, it's a wonderful time to be alive and also very wealthy. And now it's time for you amazing paying subscribers to weigh in via this scientific poll:
Ok, I’ll say it. I am very suspect of rockets that look like giant penises.
So they went on an 11 minute roller coaster ride? They shall be known henceforth as Bezo’s Bimbos!