I travelled to Chile last year for work. After spending what felt like a year in a half with 300 of my new closest friends in a space that had an occupancy of 100, we landed in Santiago.
The connecting flight, for some reason, had enough space that you could actually stand up straight while walking down the aisle. And the seats had leg room! When we landed, they rolled a stairway to the plane so we could exit. It was then I realized that Chile has all the roomy planes that used to exist in the 60s. They even served Chicken Bird Salad sandwiches.
Was your twin-engine flight voluntary? My sister went up in a CESSNA with my brother-in-law, who did barrel rolls and loops while I stayed happily on the ground wondering if I’d finally have a room to myself.
I’d rather go on a jet with Sully Sullenburger KNOWING it was going to land in the Hudson.
After all the aviation mishaps these last two weeks, Amtrak should be blitzing the airwaves with commercials.
Hi Dave. My first career (20+ years) was as an airline ground operations supervisor. I also hold a pilot's license. I did everything except fly the planes, turn a wrench, or serve the drinks. I've kept up on the industry as much as I can, including talking to friends still "inside."
Right now, I will no longer fly anywhere. After DOGE, the stressed out and frightened ATC employees and the rest, I'm no longer very confident in the system. Take that for what you think it's worth.
I just subscribed to paid for a year and was in the midst of answering the question of why when I did something stupid that cut the whole page out (I do a lot of stupid stuff as I am definitely in my dotage) but what I was trying to say was:
I have read all your books (at least the ones that I've been aware of - maybe some were supressed by the library) and occasionally a column - and also read Carl Hiaasen's books and Tim Dorsey's books. Carl's deal wittily about serious Florida bad stuff. Tim's deal humorously with serious Florida bad stuff - and provide Florida history lessons. Your's are just funny!
I look forward to laughing when reading your substack pieces - and occasionally spitting up because I am laughing and anyway spill stuff on my shirt a lot because I'm a really old fart.
Young farts do stupid stuff all the time. They also spill stuff on their shirts. As a passel of writers said in the Sixties, “we’re all bozos on this bus.”
Was on a flight over the Gulf of Mexico when the plane dropped -- very suddenly and unexpectedly -- what felt like a million feet. (But it probably was not a million feet.) My girlfriend (later wife) and I looked at each other like, is this it? She said, "They say you don't have to worry unless the flight crew panics." And at that moment, a male flight attendant ran down the aisle screaming for everyone to be calm in a way that was not calm and -- by my girlfriend's advice -- meant we were about to die. Prayers were said. The falling/turbulence -- thank the Lord -- subsided. It was over. We held hands. Then the man in front of us ordered three Bud Lights at once. The flight attendant was like, "Three?" The man was adamant. "Three." We all understood.
My daughter does a lot of airline business traveling and she likes to take her dachshund with her. Recently , Frank (dog) fell asleep and rested his head on the guy next to them. Must have been a “ dog person” because everybody in their row was happy. This did not make the news. Only scary stuff gets reported.
Dave, normally I'd leave this revelation to Mister Language Person, but "tuna fish" is a rank example of a pleonasm according to the word wonks and I couldn't help myself. If it's Greek to you and your readers, that's because it is. Another example would be "Barry funny." Anyway, enough about you. Seems timely to report that I've discovered a new budget domestic (for obvious reasons) airline that simply taxies from city to city -- never leaves the ground, "AirLess." This, of course, greatly reduces the anxiety of hurtling through the heavens at 575 mph strapped to a seat in a metal tube. Unless, you happen to be going to Florida and find yourself on the Florida Turnpike. Btw --- I have it on questionable authority that the purists still call that frozen confection, "Sherbert," after the couple who some credit with its invention. But then again, this could have originally come from one of those new opinion writers at The Washington Post, taking a personal liberty since that's what the WaPo is now all about --- "personal liberties and free markets" --- according to the third richest guy in the world who owns it.
Many years ago I was on a flight from Kennedy to Allentown PA in small 8 person aircraft where the co- pilot carried your luggage to the plane. As we were taking off, the NO Smoking light came on (this was along time ago!), a man behind me lit a cigarette and proclaimed " If I'm going to die, I'm going to die happy!"
I’m happy to report l recently flew to Germany and back, just after the Toronto incident. After reading this, I can hardly complain about a 4-hour delay and having to change planes before takeoff because the oxygen masks weren’t working.
I have been flying commercial airlines for 45 years. I represent lawyers. Pray for me. I was in a CRJ with Sen. Mel Martinez when a fuel truck backed into us in Orlando. MCO for the cognoscenti. I was on an American L1011 landing at Kennedy on the same runway a PanAm 747 was using for takeoff. All off the bags in the overhead came out as we lifted up and banked left. Same with two planes in hometown Tallahasse. One plane landed and turned around on the landing runway to head back to the gate. We were landing with fog down to 400 feet. Welp, up and over again!
I flew on a pre-Glasnost Soviet-made plane over what was then a very frigid Czechoslovakia. Any empty seats flopped around like distressed flounder, weird gases emanated from any valve or port in the fuselage, and the emergency exit was equipped with a rolled up rope ladder that looked OLD. I drank a lot of vodka that night.
A few posts a week is not enough to counteract the misery in this world. Please write more!
I travelled to Chile last year for work. After spending what felt like a year in a half with 300 of my new closest friends in a space that had an occupancy of 100, we landed in Santiago.
The connecting flight, for some reason, had enough space that you could actually stand up straight while walking down the aisle. And the seats had leg room! When we landed, they rolled a stairway to the plane so we could exit. It was then I realized that Chile has all the roomy planes that used to exist in the 60s. They even served Chicken Bird Salad sandwiches.
Love me some chicken bird sandwiches! Much better than tuna fish sherbert.
Funny!!
Was your twin-engine flight voluntary? My sister went up in a CESSNA with my brother-in-law, who did barrel rolls and loops while I stayed happily on the ground wondering if I’d finally have a room to myself.
I’d rather go on a jet with Sully Sullenburger KNOWING it was going to land in the Hudson.
After all the aviation mishaps these last two weeks, Amtrak should be blitzing the airwaves with commercials.
Hi Dave. My first career (20+ years) was as an airline ground operations supervisor. I also hold a pilot's license. I did everything except fly the planes, turn a wrench, or serve the drinks. I've kept up on the industry as much as I can, including talking to friends still "inside."
Right now, I will no longer fly anywhere. After DOGE, the stressed out and frightened ATC employees and the rest, I'm no longer very confident in the system. Take that for what you think it's worth.
I just subscribed to paid for a year and was in the midst of answering the question of why when I did something stupid that cut the whole page out (I do a lot of stupid stuff as I am definitely in my dotage) but what I was trying to say was:
I have read all your books (at least the ones that I've been aware of - maybe some were supressed by the library) and occasionally a column - and also read Carl Hiaasen's books and Tim Dorsey's books. Carl's deal wittily about serious Florida bad stuff. Tim's deal humorously with serious Florida bad stuff - and provide Florida history lessons. Your's are just funny!
I look forward to laughing when reading your substack pieces - and occasionally spitting up because I am laughing and anyway spill stuff on my shirt a lot because I'm a really old fart.
Young farts do stupid stuff all the time. They also spill stuff on their shirts. As a passel of writers said in the Sixties, “we’re all bozos on this bus.”
“Sherbert” is what a drunk Ernie says to his friend.
Was on a flight over the Gulf of Mexico when the plane dropped -- very suddenly and unexpectedly -- what felt like a million feet. (But it probably was not a million feet.) My girlfriend (later wife) and I looked at each other like, is this it? She said, "They say you don't have to worry unless the flight crew panics." And at that moment, a male flight attendant ran down the aisle screaming for everyone to be calm in a way that was not calm and -- by my girlfriend's advice -- meant we were about to die. Prayers were said. The falling/turbulence -- thank the Lord -- subsided. It was over. We held hands. Then the man in front of us ordered three Bud Lights at once. The flight attendant was like, "Three?" The man was adamant. "Three." We all understood.
A horrifying true story, told with great laughs. This is when someone wrote the song “98 Bottles of Beer on the Wall”.
I'm thinking of making the 36 hr drive to Vancouver instead of flying to catch my cruise to Alaska.
My daughter does a lot of airline business traveling and she likes to take her dachshund with her. Recently , Frank (dog) fell asleep and rested his head on the guy next to them. Must have been a “ dog person” because everybody in their row was happy. This did not make the news. Only scary stuff gets reported.
My favorite part of this story is that the wiener dog's name is Frank.
Key information is missing on the poll. For how long had the person been deceased?
I didn't respond to the poll for that reason!
A critical detail
Dave, normally I'd leave this revelation to Mister Language Person, but "tuna fish" is a rank example of a pleonasm according to the word wonks and I couldn't help myself. If it's Greek to you and your readers, that's because it is. Another example would be "Barry funny." Anyway, enough about you. Seems timely to report that I've discovered a new budget domestic (for obvious reasons) airline that simply taxies from city to city -- never leaves the ground, "AirLess." This, of course, greatly reduces the anxiety of hurtling through the heavens at 575 mph strapped to a seat in a metal tube. Unless, you happen to be going to Florida and find yourself on the Florida Turnpike. Btw --- I have it on questionable authority that the purists still call that frozen confection, "Sherbert," after the couple who some credit with its invention. But then again, this could have originally come from one of those new opinion writers at The Washington Post, taking a personal liberty since that's what the WaPo is now all about --- "personal liberties and free markets" --- according to the third richest guy in the world who owns it.
I would actually travel by AirLess!
Many years ago I was on a flight from Kennedy to Allentown PA in small 8 person aircraft where the co- pilot carried your luggage to the plane. As we were taking off, the NO Smoking light came on (this was along time ago!), a man behind me lit a cigarette and proclaimed " If I'm going to die, I'm going to die happy!"
A ray of light in the midst of...where are we again?
Hilarious! Laughed the whole way through!
I’m happy to report l recently flew to Germany and back, just after the Toronto incident. After reading this, I can hardly complain about a 4-hour delay and having to change planes before takeoff because the oxygen masks weren’t working.
I have been flying commercial airlines for 45 years. I represent lawyers. Pray for me. I was in a CRJ with Sen. Mel Martinez when a fuel truck backed into us in Orlando. MCO for the cognoscenti. I was on an American L1011 landing at Kennedy on the same runway a PanAm 747 was using for takeoff. All off the bags in the overhead came out as we lifted up and banked left. Same with two planes in hometown Tallahasse. One plane landed and turned around on the landing runway to head back to the gate. We were landing with fog down to 400 feet. Welp, up and over again!
I flew on a pre-Glasnost Soviet-made plane over what was then a very frigid Czechoslovakia. Any empty seats flopped around like distressed flounder, weird gases emanated from any valve or port in the fuselage, and the emergency exit was equipped with a rolled up rope ladder that looked OLD. I drank a lot of vodka that night.