The logical compromise between good taste and healthy nutrition is to eat oyster crackers. If you’d like a glass of water with them, please consult your physician.
U.S. Pennies are composed of 98% zinc. Eating just one a day will fulfill your Recommended Daily Requiremment (According to "Eating Well"). While they are still available you should stockpile 365 x the number of years that ChatGPT says you have left. If you don't care for the taste, just put the penny between two Cheez it crackers.
Jalapeño poppers ARE a legitimate vegetable! Eating them with Cheez-its covers the entire food pyramid, especially if you build a pyramid of Cheez-its before you eat them.
Only if you shove them up parallel to the bridge of your nose. Shoving them up so they're flat prevents air from getting past, which may have undesirable effects (according to a report I just read in ShovingWell Magazine).
Keep in mind that zinc absorption is much slower through the nasal passages, and you don't have that much time left. Also, remove the Cheez its before insertion.
About fifty years ago, I found a real pearl in an ordinary eating oyster in a restaurant. It was small and misshapen but a real pearl. I had it for years but as small things often do in my life, it went to live elsewhere.
No need to eat them. Just "whiz" the copper layer off, and put it in your mouth. Leave it for at least long enough to get some zinc without getting zinc poisoning. Say five minutes. Wash down with water.
I have no comment. Once again I am overwhelmed by the amount of knowledge that has been gathered. Stunned by the creative mind. Thankfully when I was offered THE choice I picked good-looking.
Rick Jacoby
PS. some advice, Dave. Time to stop getting your driver’s license renewed.
On behalf of women more concerned about weight than age, forget zinc. I laughed so hard at today’s scholarly article, I went to the internet to see if there is a remedy for an intensely painful stomach. Here is what I found: laughing until your stomach hurts is caused by muscle fatigue and spasms. This rapid contraction and expansion takes energy. Ten to 15 minutes of belly laughing can burn up to 50 calories. This means you can eat a few Cheez-it crackers while reading your articles and still come out ahead on the Kate Smith/Lizzo weight scale.
You mean, like calamari? No anuses (informally: rectum/anus regions). Just good old healthy tentacles, sliced into rings, fried, and drizzled with marinara. No idea how many of those crunchy rings you'd have to eat for your recommended zinc allowance but after a few dozen of them I bet you wouldn't care.
I’ve been fixated on hydration since the summer of 86 when I was in the Army in Korea. One of the guys in my squad got stung by a bee and, having never been stung before, became a bit concerned when his arm began swelling up like an overinflated NFL football. Since dustoff was busy I took him to the hospital where the nurse told us to sit down and let her know if he stopped breathing. While we were waiting to see if he was going to stop breathing a Blackhawk helicopter came roaring in, flared almost vertical, and while it was settling a team of doctors ran out with a wheeled stretcher. They pulled a soldier off the chopper who was convulsing, tossed him in a tub of cold water, and got an IV started. He had heat stroke. And a half-full canteen of water. That looked really unpleasant so I’ve been attentive to the signs of dehydration ever since. I well remember what Drill Sergeant Butler told us in Basic Training:
If your pee isn’t clear, you’re not drinking enough water. If you haven’t had to go in the past 2 hours, you’re not drinking enough water. Also, you’re not drinking enough water,
Hey Dave, what's up with sending out your Friday Substack essay at 6:25 am? When I saw on my phone that you sent it out much earlier than usual, I had to alter my regular morning routine, and as a result I did not have time to exercise ... for the 5,498th day in a row.
Did you know there actually are certified water sommeliers? I speculated in a piece if a group of them could discern one brand of bottled water from another (spoiler: the one they unanimously chose was from Kirkland), and I actually got a note from a chap who accused me of disparaging his profession.
Very funny as usual, especially the part near the end where you talk yourself into thinking you’re not old. The tell is that you’re thinking about being old- duh! Young (and bright, vibrant, attractive and fully alive) people like I used to be don’t think about it, not ever. Not that they think about anything that isn’t beemed into their eyeballs by the little flat boxes glued onto their palms. I apologize for my crotchetiness. I have to go charge my little flat box…
And my somewhat larger flat box is now refusing to let me “Like” any of these comments. Maybe it’s jealous because it didn’t think of them. I’ll show it who’s boss. I’ll restart it and…
Thanks for this. I was wondering if it was me. But, tempting though it may be, please don’t throw it. It’s too expensive and delicate. And that act will get you put on the Robot Overlords’ naughty list. 😳
I'm with Ricky Gervais on longevity....if zinc is going to give me an extra ten years of life that is like the crappy ones between between 90->100 (he said 80->90, but that's hitting a bit too close to home, right roomie?)....screw it. Still, if I could remember a list longer than three things to eat or not eat (or remember to take the list with me -- unlikely, as I already have three things, keys, wallet, phone I don't always remember) I'd do whatever I just said....
The word "whisky" is a corruption of the Gaelic word "uisge," which means water (the same goes for for "vodka" and its cognates). Therefore, Cheez-its followed by a whisky chaser is the very picture of a balanced meal, whatever the fuddies and duddies at EatingWell (something wrong with their space bar?) will tell you, dagnabbit!
I never did either, until about 10 years ago. A business function compelled me to join in. I have to say, grilled on the BBQ made them incredibly delicious. While you’re still here, give it a try. But maybe wait for a month that ends in R unless you live on a coast. At bad oyster can definitely kill you. (Though ant’s true about pretty much any food……)
On aging: Early last year I threw my back out sneezing and then suddenly, over the course of a few days, got numb in the hands and feet, and then it spread, so I went to the doctor, who ran a bunch of tests, and sent me to other doctors, who ran more tests, who concluded that my back is about 10 years older than I am.
Thanks a lot Dave for totally destroying my love affair with oysters. “Loogies of the sea??” I’m still going to eat them, but you can bet I”ll be separating out the anus first. I hope that’s not where all the zinc is!
The logical compromise between good taste and healthy nutrition is to eat oyster crackers. If you’d like a glass of water with them, please consult your physician.
Perhaps Cheez-Its should make an oyster cracker.
I think an oyster cracker is just a Cheez-It without cheez. They could call them It’s.
A Feta-flavored oyster cracker. I’d try that. Feta is both a nutrient and a food group. Feta is betta!
Brilliant. Far better than my hack.
U.S. Pennies are composed of 98% zinc. Eating just one a day will fulfill your Recommended Daily Requiremment (According to "Eating Well"). While they are still available you should stockpile 365 x the number of years that ChatGPT says you have left. If you don't care for the taste, just put the penny between two Cheez it crackers.
That explains why pennies age so well.
Jalapeño poppers ARE a legitimate vegetable! Eating them with Cheez-its covers the entire food pyramid, especially if you build a pyramid of Cheez-its before you eat them.
Does shoving them up one's nose count?
Only if you shove them up parallel to the bridge of your nose. Shoving them up so they're flat prevents air from getting past, which may have undesirable effects (according to a report I just read in ShovingWell Magazine).
Keep in mind that zinc absorption is much slower through the nasal passages, and you don't have that much time left. Also, remove the Cheez its before insertion.
What if one shoved the penny up the oyster's anus .. or nose .. it's so hard to tell them apart.
The anus of the oyster is where the pearls exit. Be sure to remove before inserting the penny. You should then be good to go. Centsable thinking!
About fifty years ago, I found a real pearl in an ordinary eating oyster in a restaurant. It was small and misshapen but a real pearl. I had it for years but as small things often do in my life, it went to live elsewhere.
It depends on one's age. Under 5 years of age, sure. Over 10, maybe not.
Well there goes my party trick for the next Teams meeting ..
I think your co-workers are darn lucky to have you.
No need to eat them. Just "whiz" the copper layer off, and put it in your mouth. Leave it for at least long enough to get some zinc without getting zinc poisoning. Say five minutes. Wash down with water.
Should one worry about copper poisoning as well? What if we all just stopped eating and remained under our beds, chatting with the dust bunnies? 🐰
I have no comment. Once again I am overwhelmed by the amount of knowledge that has been gathered. Stunned by the creative mind. Thankfully when I was offered THE choice I picked good-looking.
Rick Jacoby
PS. some advice, Dave. Time to stop getting your driver’s license renewed.
On behalf of women more concerned about weight than age, forget zinc. I laughed so hard at today’s scholarly article, I went to the internet to see if there is a remedy for an intensely painful stomach. Here is what I found: laughing until your stomach hurts is caused by muscle fatigue and spasms. This rapid contraction and expansion takes energy. Ten to 15 minutes of belly laughing can burn up to 50 calories. This means you can eat a few Cheez-it crackers while reading your articles and still come out ahead on the Kate Smith/Lizzo weight scale.
Jeez 50 calories?? That's better than my last 3 mile walk. I've lost trust in my phone to tell me how many calories I've burned
Caution: eating 1000 Cheez-Its will likely turn your skin color into that of he who shall not be named, which I zinc would be very bad.
I zinc you are quite correct, Richard.
Ohhhhhhhh.
I zinc you are both verrry clevair! 😊
As a fellow C ,we are not allowed merriment.Particularly punsters,may you thrive on a diet of oysters
Walter Brennan? I don't think we have enough actors named Walter.
The Real McCoy. Or, in this case, The Real McCheez.
Isn’t McCheese the mayor?
good one
Dave, have you tried squid? It sticks to your ribs… and arms, and face…
You mean, like calamari? No anuses (informally: rectum/anus regions). Just good old healthy tentacles, sliced into rings, fried, and drizzled with marinara. No idea how many of those crunchy rings you'd have to eat for your recommended zinc allowance but after a few dozen of them I bet you wouldn't care.
I think fried calamari is that stuff that I call Fried Rubber Bands. It should not be allowed to be sold. 🤢
Eww
I’ve been fixated on hydration since the summer of 86 when I was in the Army in Korea. One of the guys in my squad got stung by a bee and, having never been stung before, became a bit concerned when his arm began swelling up like an overinflated NFL football. Since dustoff was busy I took him to the hospital where the nurse told us to sit down and let her know if he stopped breathing. While we were waiting to see if he was going to stop breathing a Blackhawk helicopter came roaring in, flared almost vertical, and while it was settling a team of doctors ran out with a wheeled stretcher. They pulled a soldier off the chopper who was convulsing, tossed him in a tub of cold water, and got an IV started. He had heat stroke. And a half-full canteen of water. That looked really unpleasant so I’ve been attentive to the signs of dehydration ever since. I well remember what Drill Sergeant Butler told us in Basic Training:
If your pee isn’t clear, you’re not drinking enough water. If you haven’t had to go in the past 2 hours, you’re not drinking enough water. Also, you’re not drinking enough water,
So what happened to your buddy? Did he, in fact, stop breathing?
Yes, we're all wondering that! This was like reading Act IV of a Tom Cruise "Mission Impossible" script spliced onto the end of a "Friends" episode.
He recovered pretty quickly.
Yes, but did he stop breathing?? That's where the catharsis of the script is.
Hey Dave, what's up with sending out your Friday Substack essay at 6:25 am? When I saw on my phone that you sent it out much earlier than usual, I had to alter my regular morning routine, and as a result I did not have time to exercise ... for the 5,498th day in a row.
MerryCatholic.substack.com
Would you believe...?
Did you know there actually are certified water sommeliers? I speculated in a piece if a group of them could discern one brand of bottled water from another (spoiler: the one they unanimously chose was from Kirkland), and I actually got a note from a chap who accused me of disparaging his profession.
This is a profession I would also enjoy disparaging.
“Delightfully bland,” says one.
“I detect subtle hints of concrete-rich municipality,” says another.
“The balance of fluoride and chlorine is delightful. A notable representative of the sinks region.”
“I’d pair this with leftover pizza without regret.”
Very funny as usual, especially the part near the end where you talk yourself into thinking you’re not old. The tell is that you’re thinking about being old- duh! Young (and bright, vibrant, attractive and fully alive) people like I used to be don’t think about it, not ever. Not that they think about anything that isn’t beemed into their eyeballs by the little flat boxes glued onto their palms. I apologize for my crotchetiness. I have to go charge my little flat box…
Cosarn it!
And my somewhat larger flat box is now refusing to let me “Like” any of these comments. Maybe it’s jealous because it didn’t think of them. I’ll show it who’s boss. I’ll restart it and…
Oh, yeah, that’s happening to me, too. I thought it was just my phone, and I was on the verge of throwing it across the room, even though it’s new.
Thanks for this. I was wondering if it was me. But, tempting though it may be, please don’t throw it. It’s too expensive and delicate. And that act will get you put on the Robot Overlords’ naughty list. 😳
Now that I know I’m not alone, I’ll stop cursing the phone!📱 😁
I'm with Ricky Gervais on longevity....if zinc is going to give me an extra ten years of life that is like the crappy ones between between 90->100 (he said 80->90, but that's hitting a bit too close to home, right roomie?)....screw it. Still, if I could remember a list longer than three things to eat or not eat (or remember to take the list with me -- unlikely, as I already have three things, keys, wallet, phone I don't always remember) I'd do whatever I just said....
The word "whisky" is a corruption of the Gaelic word "uisge," which means water (the same goes for for "vodka" and its cognates). Therefore, Cheez-its followed by a whisky chaser is the very picture of a balanced meal, whatever the fuddies and duddies at EatingWell (something wrong with their space bar?) will tell you, dagnabbit!
I have Dave beaten by a decade and my proudest accomplishment is that I have NEVER eaten an oyster!
I never did either, until about 10 years ago. A business function compelled me to join in. I have to say, grilled on the BBQ made them incredibly delicious. While you’re still here, give it a try. But maybe wait for a month that ends in R unless you live on a coast. At bad oyster can definitely kill you. (Though ant’s true about pretty much any food……)
...or any anus, for that matter...
I bet your zinc's low
On aging: Early last year I threw my back out sneezing and then suddenly, over the course of a few days, got numb in the hands and feet, and then it spread, so I went to the doctor, who ran a bunch of tests, and sent me to other doctors, who ran more tests, who concluded that my back is about 10 years older than I am.
Might I suggest that a chiropractor would possibly be more useful?
Thanks a lot Dave for totally destroying my love affair with oysters. “Loogies of the sea??” I’m still going to eat them, but you can bet I”ll be separating out the anus first. I hope that’s not where all the zinc is!
I don't know if it's zinc, but -- speaking for myself -- there's a concentration of *something* down there.
In the South, we solve the oyster anus problem through standard equitable treatment of food. That is, we fry them.
Fried zinc is still zinc.
I am here to help.
So, fried rectum. That's your cuisine?
Our, Dave. We’re a collective built on lard, corn meal, and rectums.
A solid foundation.
So to speak…
Yep. All true. Well said. Yum.
Dave Barry and the Oyster Ani would be a great name for a band.