Jochen: What’s kind of pathetic is it took me a couple seconds to get the joke - which is hilarious, mind you! - and I probably only got it because I knew it (probably) was posted because something was funny about it. Granted, I just woke up, but I wonder how many little real-life gems like this I miss because my brain just blithely reads past them.
I and my girlfriend once had simultaneous diarrhea in a hotel room in Mexico City. I had gotten mine from eating tripe tacos from a street cart outside a bull ring. She got hers from the water, having (for some reason) eschewed the tacos. But both of our diarrheas were raging at the EXACT same time, meaning while she -- being the lady -- got to excrete into the toilet, I did so over the edge of the bathtub. We got married not long afterward, somehow. I am giving you all this free of charge.
The sheer romance of this post made me want to eat tripe chalupas with my husband and share the near-death experience of ED. That's Explosive Diarrhea, I mean.
"I and my girlfriend once had simultaneous diarrhea in a hotel room in Mexico City." Certainly rivals "We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones" (Richard Dawkins, "Unweaving the Rainbow") as great non-fiction opening lines.
After that episode, you would either never want to see each other again or have to be together because you had already seen each other at their worst!!
I was with a girlfriend in Moscow and she got diarrhea from a salad in the cafeteria of the Russian State Library. Fortunately, I had some Imodium in my suitcase for such emergencies.
There is a Lifetime Channel special here (that is the All Men Are Jerks Channel).
You showed your consideration in a difficult situation, so perhaps the Channel will show you as an exception. On the other hand, it might just blame you for everything, as the channels target audience, which shall remain nameless, tends to do.
What I don’t get is eating Mexican street food. Doesn’t that void your travel insurance?
How can you write about explosive diarrhea without linking to your justly internationally famous column that, IIRC, contains the phrase “full firehose mode”?
I’m *really good* at sleeping. When I was in the Army I once got a great nights sleep on a bed of ammo cans in the back of a track in Korea. Of course that was 40 years ago and a bed like that might be bit stiff for me today. But I have no problem sleeping almost anywhere given the opportunity. This sometimes makes other drivers on the road a bit nervous,
When I was a kid, the house across the street from ours burned down. My sister said there were 3 fire trucks with sirens blaring. I slept through the whole thing.
One of the reasons the news media keeps spelling out “explosive diarrhea” is they can’t use the initials “E.D.” because of all the “E.D.” commercials we’ve been bombarded with over the years.
I have noticed if you read a news story and substitute “E.D.” for every occurrence of “explosive diarrhea “, the articles are a lot different.
I agree. Besides, unleashing a firehose of ED into a Mexican hotel tub is an oxymoron and conjures a completely different image. In that case, would it still lead to marriage?
It’s 4:24 and I’m awake because I had an attack of stable diarrhea. Unless you have another term for the opposite of explosive. Because implosive diarrhea is not a thing. And if it ever is, you definitely should not write a column about it.
Actually, I've wondered about that. Sorta. Like, what's the line that separates "explosive" from "exuberant," or "exuberant" from "mildly enthusiastic"?
When I think of explosive, I usually think it means it could detonate at any moment, without any warning. So, even enthusiastic means you can at least try to curb your enthusiasm long enough to reach the bathtub. (apologies to Larry David)
Haha — yes, I naturally leapt/loped over to Google as soon as I saw the name and noticed exactly that! (And of course naturally — immediately — I fell into an hour-long Internet rabbit raccoon hole.)
I saw this pillow phenomenon happen when my wife was pregnant. Those pillows multiplied over time in order to make her more comfortable.
When I find out a couple is having a kid, I always ask “how many pillows are you up to?” The men are always surprised I knew they were in the middle of that battle.
Great question, Ronald. I'm a woman, and somehow, I can't explain why, the topic seems far less a silly guy thing than fart humor. Maybe it's- I'm just spit balling here - because we've all been exposed to the new ED one time or another. So any coverage by Dave would be most welcome.
Dave, Dave, Dave! You knew the term for that karate chop look people give their pillows because they saw someone do it on HGTV! That is impressive progress for Michelle because it shows that, in spite of the fact that you hate all those pillows, you actually used the words, plumped up and dimpled! As a woman, I am very impressed by Michelle's decorating influence on you. Next you'll be using charger plates. I am still never sure how to spell diarrhea, so I'm glad you used it at least 13 times in your brilliant piece, you cultural representative you.
After many many many hotel nights I offer you my semi-genius solution for all those ridiculous extra pillows: pile them on the side of the bed closest to the damn AC unit that blows directly on the bed and can't be directed anywhere else. The desk chair might also help in the construction of your "Arctic deflection device". Note: housekeeping is expert at disassembling said deflection devices - but in fairness they can't help themselves - they are all women.
When I was in Russia on a group tour in 1971 (yes, I'm old), I had the opposite problem: constipation. The water was so bad (e.g., it reeked of sulfur in Leningrad) that we drank only beer and other alcoholic beverages. This was exciting for us, since we we were all teenagers who wouldn't have been able to live this way in the USA. But the resulting intestinal problem was Not Fun.
On the matter of decorative pillows: I've noticed lately that even motels have succumbed to this insanity. Fortunately, I'm single and don't have to share the gigantic bed they give you in a motel, so I pile the 17 extraneous pillows on the side of the bed I'm not sleeping on, making a tower that reaches nearly to the ceiling.
Ya know, when humor surrounding explosive diarrhea is as welcome as it is, even overtaking the almighty fart, you can't help but stop and wonder the level of stress we're living in nowadays. What's next? Radioactive navel lint?
And a thank you for a reminder of the greatest caption ever published (in the German magazine Stern):
Princess Anne (left), and her horse.
Jochen: What’s kind of pathetic is it took me a couple seconds to get the joke - which is hilarious, mind you! - and I probably only got it because I knew it (probably) was posted because something was funny about it. Granted, I just woke up, but I wonder how many little real-life gems like this I miss because my brain just blithely reads past them.
Love it!
Now, look up a picture of the King's sister.
She looks terminally British to me, if I googled the right thing!
LMAO!!!!
Princess Anne (left), and her horse.
I and my girlfriend once had simultaneous diarrhea in a hotel room in Mexico City. I had gotten mine from eating tripe tacos from a street cart outside a bull ring. She got hers from the water, having (for some reason) eschewed the tacos. But both of our diarrheas were raging at the EXACT same time, meaning while she -- being the lady -- got to excrete into the toilet, I did so over the edge of the bathtub. We got married not long afterward, somehow. I am giving you all this free of charge.
Don't think we're not grateful.
Just cause we’re not. No use assuming the worst.
On the other hand, that might have kept you from eating street food in Mexico.
We're getting into a weird area here....
That is perhaps the most romantic story I've ever read.
If you can get through that day, you are almost guaranteed to see your 50th anniversary.
Perhaps not ! But, better than therapy for a marriage.
One for the ages! They came (I'd guess) and went together...not necessarily in that order.
Don’t kid us, Gene. You HAD to get married after that. Mexican rules apply to that situation
To have and to hold, to give dibs on the toilet...
That is a legit test of worthiness. Ladies, never marry a man who DOESN'T give you dibs on the toilet.
I will never look at a bathtub the same again.
At least not at a bathtub in a Mexican hotel.
The sheer romance of this post made me want to eat tripe chalupas with my husband and share the near-death experience of ED. That's Explosive Diarrhea, I mean.
I hope you over-tipped the maid.
(Gave her a huge tip, not tipped her over, to be clear.)
"I and my girlfriend once had simultaneous diarrhea in a hotel room in Mexico City." Certainly rivals "We are going to die, and that makes us the lucky ones" (Richard Dawkins, "Unweaving the Rainbow") as great non-fiction opening lines.
Thank you for sharing :(
I would like to purchase the movie rights to this story, for either the Hallmark Channel, or Shudder.
After that episode, you would either never want to see each other again or have to be together because you had already seen each other at their worst!!
Bravo!
I was with a girlfriend in Moscow and she got diarrhea from a salad in the cafeteria of the Russian State Library. Fortunately, I had some Imodium in my suitcase for such emergencies.
You are a good boyfriend!
Ah yes, you remember it well ...
There is a Lifetime Channel special here (that is the All Men Are Jerks Channel).
You showed your consideration in a difficult situation, so perhaps the Channel will show you as an exception. On the other hand, it might just blame you for everything, as the channels target audience, which shall remain nameless, tends to do.
What I don’t get is eating Mexican street food. Doesn’t that void your travel insurance?
So, just for future reference, can you give us the name of that Mexico City hotel, and also the exact room number. Asking for a friend.
That is the worst thing I ever read.
Up there.
But you had better avoid Lord Dunsany’s story “Two Bottles Of Relish”.
How can you write about explosive diarrhea without linking to your justly internationally famous column that, IIRC, contains the phrase “full firehose mode”?
https://www.miamiherald.com/living/liv-columns-blogs/dave-barry/article1928847.html
I’m *really good* at sleeping. When I was in the Army I once got a great nights sleep on a bed of ammo cans in the back of a track in Korea. Of course that was 40 years ago and a bed like that might be bit stiff for me today. But I have no problem sleeping almost anywhere given the opportunity. This sometimes makes other drivers on the road a bit nervous,
When I was a kid, the house across the street from ours burned down. My sister said there were 3 fire trucks with sirens blaring. I slept through the whole thing.
One of the reasons the news media keeps spelling out “explosive diarrhea” is they can’t use the initials “E.D.” because of all the “E.D.” commercials we’ve been bombarded with over the years.
I have noticed if you read a news story and substitute “E.D.” for every occurrence of “explosive diarrhea “, the articles are a lot different.
Ha! I think you're onto something here, Steve!
I agree. Besides, unleashing a firehose of ED into a Mexican hotel tub is an oxymoron and conjures a completely different image. In that case, would it still lead to marriage?
It’s 4:24 and I’m awake because I had an attack of stable diarrhea. Unless you have another term for the opposite of explosive. Because implosive diarrhea is not a thing. And if it ever is, you definitely should not write a column about it.
The mental gymnastics I just experienced over the term “implosive diarrhea.”
It is funny that people are having to clarify "regular ol' diahhrea" these days.
Actually, I've wondered about that. Sorta. Like, what's the line that separates "explosive" from "exuberant," or "exuberant" from "mildly enthusiastic"?
“I’m so sorry, boss, but my colon was mildly enthusiastic.” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Mildly enthusiastic buys you what, 15 minutes?
And at what level do you get sent home? Sorry boss, spraying like a hippo without warning here, but I'm ready for the big sales pitch.
Ahahahahahahaha!!!! 🤣🤣🤣
(laughing)
When you need to call 911, that’s when the line has been drawn. Trust me!
I'm sure the EMTs consider it a bright red line. 😉
They drove that ambulance v-e-r-y carefully!
(laughing) "Hey, Joe, let's stop for coffee and donuts on our way, okay?"
When I think of explosive, I usually think it means it could detonate at any moment, without any warning. So, even enthusiastic means you can at least try to curb your enthusiasm long enough to reach the bathtub. (apologies to Larry David)
Thank you for sharing. :(
So that's where the "stable" in "stable genius" 4am tweets comes from. Next question: where does the "genius" come from?
RFK Jr. on explosive diarrhea: “Sounds good to me.”
A fear of mine is that RFK Jr. will find out about Jimothy and, as he did to a dead raccoon alongside the road, cut off his ...
OMG. How has Jimothy escaped my notice until now? (Clearly, I'm not spending enough time online! 🤣)
Obviously you haven't gone to the Google home page lately -- when you do, Jimothy leaps/lopes (or whatever) across the screen.
Haha — yes, I naturally leapt/loped over to Google as soon as I saw the name and noticed exactly that! (And of course naturally — immediately — I fell into an hour-long Internet rabbit raccoon hole.)
Might actually be Kimothy IYKWIM
I saw this pillow phenomenon happen when my wife was pregnant. Those pillows multiplied over time in order to make her more comfortable.
When I find out a couple is having a kid, I always ask “how many pillows are you up to?” The men are always surprised I knew they were in the middle of that battle.
Thank you — wish there were more comments on the main topic about sleep, the number two topic seems to get all the attention.
I see what you did there.
If its "explosive" does it still qualify as #2? Seems like it should be escalated.
Dave, Any thoughts about “explosive diarrhea”?
It's a topic I hope to explore some day.
Today’s Topic made possible by a grant from the National Endowment for the Arts.
I think "Arts" is missing the "s" and "h" in front of it.
You misspelled it, Dave. You meant to say explode some day.
Great question, Ronald. I'm a woman, and somehow, I can't explain why, the topic seems far less a silly guy thing than fart humor. Maybe it's- I'm just spit balling here - because we've all been exposed to the new ED one time or another. So any coverage by Dave would be most welcome.
Russian explosive diarrhea. Is that Molotov's revenge? Or a case of the Trotskys?
Groan.
Dave, Dave, Dave! You knew the term for that karate chop look people give their pillows because they saw someone do it on HGTV! That is impressive progress for Michelle because it shows that, in spite of the fact that you hate all those pillows, you actually used the words, plumped up and dimpled! As a woman, I am very impressed by Michelle's decorating influence on you. Next you'll be using charger plates. I am still never sure how to spell diarrhea, so I'm glad you used it at least 13 times in your brilliant piece, you cultural representative you.
Really? "Explosive Diarrhea" was not one of the band name choices? I would definitely attend one of their concerts ... decked out in a hazmat suit.
And “Decorative Bed Pillows “ was not one of the band names either???
Weaponized Chimichamga also wbagnfrb.
Crowdsurfing discouraged.
After many many many hotel nights I offer you my semi-genius solution for all those ridiculous extra pillows: pile them on the side of the bed closest to the damn AC unit that blows directly on the bed and can't be directed anywhere else. The desk chair might also help in the construction of your "Arctic deflection device". Note: housekeeping is expert at disassembling said deflection devices - but in fairness they can't help themselves - they are all women.
When I was in Russia on a group tour in 1971 (yes, I'm old), I had the opposite problem: constipation. The water was so bad (e.g., it reeked of sulfur in Leningrad) that we drank only beer and other alcoholic beverages. This was exciting for us, since we we were all teenagers who wouldn't have been able to live this way in the USA. But the resulting intestinal problem was Not Fun.
On the matter of decorative pillows: I've noticed lately that even motels have succumbed to this insanity. Fortunately, I'm single and don't have to share the gigantic bed they give you in a motel, so I pile the 17 extraneous pillows on the side of the bed I'm not sleeping on, making a tower that reaches nearly to the ceiling.
Nah, not old. Just experienced.
Usually only 1 or 2 fit in the closet and you don't want to put them on the floor. Sometimes we manage to give them back to a maid.
Have you noticed how people are walking a little taller now that they know how to spell "diarrhea"?
They're also walking a little faster . . .
As a somewhat precocious child who had heard but never seen the word, I thought it was "dire rear," which I still think is apposite.
The French word for "behind" is derriere :-)
Oui, m'sieur, c'est ca! Ooh, la, la.
Merci :-) (mais je suis madame)
Ya know, when humor surrounding explosive diarrhea is as welcome as it is, even overtaking the almighty fart, you can't help but stop and wonder the level of stress we're living in nowadays. What's next? Radioactive navel lint?
I’m from Cleveland and I’m offended!
Great comment! With all the pillow talk and diarrhea jokes,I’d forgotten about the ridiculous map with only Cleveland noted! Big laugh!
A pile of mine announces his bathroom trips by saying "I'm taking the Browns to the Super Bowl!"
Well, that's one way to get there... hang in there, Cleveland!
Not a pile, a PAL. But it fit the topic better...