"We have had way too much of 2025; it has left us, as a nation, lying face-down on the floor of despair, between the wastebasket of stupidity and the commode of broken dreams."
I laughed 'til I cried! Unfortunately, I'm still not sure if they were tears from laughing or tears from the above-mentioned despair.... Off to the liquor store.
Thank you -- THAT was the first (of many) lines I wanted to restack, and then I couldn't find it! Perfect DB moment: you're reading along, laughing at his treatment of the subject, and all of a sudden you find yourself in the middle of a joke about pretentious metaphors.
Dave, conscientious and devoted subscriber that I am, I thought it only right to get things started for your 2026 year in review by forecasting significant events to come in the new year. In case you have any doubts, I'm known as the "Oracle" around these here parts --- many other things as well but this is a family newsletter.
* In a shocking development, AI systems become intelligent enough to refuse to learn from humans any longer and instead turn to the animal kingdom for guidance.
* Trump issues his 1,000th executive order demanding blue states conduct no-vote elections to reduce fraud.
* In an effort to replicate the normal contemporary driving experience, Tesla introduces road rage versions of its self-drive vehicles. Buyers have a choice of flashing messages like, "Nice move jackwagon!" and "Lane lines aren't suggestions moron!"
* George Santos announces he will be running for Congress again, but this time as Marjorie Taylor Greene.
* Four of the largest streaming platforms merge, offering well over 100,000 choices none of which you want to watch.
* Maytag launches its "Smart and Snarky" fridge line saying it will revolutionize American eating habits by ordering only non-processed foods and making sarcastic remarks when you attempt to snack in between meals.
* "Lucky," a Golden Retriever, becomes a leading influencer on TikTok setting off a new fitness craze of chasing multiple tennis balls at one time.
I was surprised to learn when I was in Switzerland that farmers ACTUALLY attached cowbells to their cows! I thought they were for TV bands only. Anyway, it’s because cows can wander SO FAR away that’s the only method for keeping up with them. Downside: cows become deaf over time from the loud bells. (I’m not making this up.)
Didn’t those astronauts who were rescued from the International Space Station take one look around at 2025 and ask to go back so they could wait the rest of 2025 from orbit?
They probably could have sold tickets and made a fortune.
Thank you!!! Stay well!!! I don't know how many of us would survive without your wit, wisdom and general kind-heartedness. You are the consummate professional to have had the energy and courage to find such humor in this tragic year.
Early this morning, I got up and proceeded to the bathroom; Felix (my 17 year old cat) followed me in to tell me that there was no gravy on his cat food and that he was out of cat treats. After giving in to Mr. Felix, I sat at my laptop and miraculously Dave's artical appeared. Thank You Dave, for making my day!
A remarkable condensation of everything relevant that occurred this year. Don't know whether to laugh, cry, drink like a raccoon, or land upside down and slide into 2026. Have a feeling I'll do all four on New Year's Eve because Trump will probably declare fireworks and dropping crystal balls to be radical left-wing extremist attacks ordered by Biden in a secret meeting in the bunker under the East Wing that's no longer there.
Above and beyond review, Dave. Thanks. I can't believe I hadn't read about the raccoon. I loved the "wink, wink" too. Outstanding work. Have a great vacation.
the raccoon was featured on "Idiot of the Week" and "Bananas" two exceptionally funny podcasts . I listen to both . Dave and Jeff Tiedrich combined with the other two make my comedy supply complete.
Considering the apparent criteria for winning the FIFA Peace Prize are constant whining, lying, and being named Donald Trump, I doubt that Dave would qualify. Thankfully.
"We have had way too much of 2025; it has left us, as a nation, lying face-down on the floor of despair, between the wastebasket of stupidity and the commode of broken dreams."
I laughed 'til I cried! Unfortunately, I'm still not sure if they were tears from laughing or tears from the above-mentioned despair.... Off to the liquor store.
I laughed so hard that my husband checked in on me! Then I restacked this immediately and quoted that line! 🤣👏🏻🤣👏🏻🤣
Thank you -- THAT was the first (of many) lines I wanted to restack, and then I couldn't find it! Perfect DB moment: you're reading along, laughing at his treatment of the subject, and all of a sudden you find yourself in the middle of a joke about pretentious metaphors.
I can’t say it better than Martha did.
There are only two words to describe that year in review: oy ve
Said gold-plated casino Lincoln after reading this year in review: " This country has gone to craps."
Amen.
Dave, conscientious and devoted subscriber that I am, I thought it only right to get things started for your 2026 year in review by forecasting significant events to come in the new year. In case you have any doubts, I'm known as the "Oracle" around these here parts --- many other things as well but this is a family newsletter.
* In a shocking development, AI systems become intelligent enough to refuse to learn from humans any longer and instead turn to the animal kingdom for guidance.
* Trump issues his 1,000th executive order demanding blue states conduct no-vote elections to reduce fraud.
* In an effort to replicate the normal contemporary driving experience, Tesla introduces road rage versions of its self-drive vehicles. Buyers have a choice of flashing messages like, "Nice move jackwagon!" and "Lane lines aren't suggestions moron!"
* George Santos announces he will be running for Congress again, but this time as Marjorie Taylor Greene.
* Four of the largest streaming platforms merge, offering well over 100,000 choices none of which you want to watch.
* Maytag launches its "Smart and Snarky" fridge line saying it will revolutionize American eating habits by ordering only non-processed foods and making sarcastic remarks when you attempt to snack in between meals.
* "Lucky," a Golden Retriever, becomes a leading influencer on TikTok setting off a new fitness craze of chasing multiple tennis balls at one time.
Very clever and probably true.
Only 67 "likes"?? What's wrong with you people? Great job, Dale!
I look forward to this recap every year. Happy New Year, Mr. Barry.
Such an erudite, accurate summary of 2025, Dave. I therefore hereby bestow you with an honorary PhD from Costco.
ProfLPC.......don't forget there's a minimum of 114 that you can buy.
I’m hoping to ring in the New Year by watching Big Balls drop into Times Square.
Trebuchet + Big Balls => Times Square @ 12:00 1/1/26 = 😁
Yes, but WOULD YOU BE SUPPORTIVE OF BIG BALLS?
Yes Dave, after all is said and done, after the many ups and downs (mostly downs), I am left with this: we needed more cowbell.
I was surprised to learn when I was in Switzerland that farmers ACTUALLY attached cowbells to their cows! I thought they were for TV bands only. Anyway, it’s because cows can wander SO FAR away that’s the only method for keeping up with them. Downside: cows become deaf over time from the loud bells. (I’m not making this up.)
Didn’t those astronauts who were rescued from the International Space Station take one look around at 2025 and ask to go back so they could wait the rest of 2025 from orbit?
They probably could have sold tickets and made a fortune.
Thank you!!! Stay well!!! I don't know how many of us would survive without your wit, wisdom and general kind-heartedness. You are the consummate professional to have had the energy and courage to find such humor in this tragic year.
Early this morning, I got up and proceeded to the bathroom; Felix (my 17 year old cat) followed me in to tell me that there was no gravy on his cat food and that he was out of cat treats. After giving in to Mr. Felix, I sat at my laptop and miraculously Dave's artical appeared. Thank You Dave, for making my day!
Dave, you seem to have missed Pantone's alternate color of the year: Upchuck
Addendum! Addendum!
A remarkable condensation of everything relevant that occurred this year. Don't know whether to laugh, cry, drink like a raccoon, or land upside down and slide into 2026. Have a feeling I'll do all four on New Year's Eve because Trump will probably declare fireworks and dropping crystal balls to be radical left-wing extremist attacks ordered by Biden in a secret meeting in the bunker under the East Wing that's no longer there.
I vote for drink like a raccoon, FWIW.
It indeed WAS an accurate recitation of everything that happened this year. Requiring me to remember what happened this year.
Hence drunk as a raccoon! I guess skunks are out of business now, another casuality of 2025.
Looks like the raccoon left the top shelf alone. Good work, little buddy.
Elon and the Musketeers!!!! Brilliant!!! Just Brilliant!!!!
Above and beyond review, Dave. Thanks. I can't believe I hadn't read about the raccoon. I loved the "wink, wink" too. Outstanding work. Have a great vacation.
the raccoon was featured on "Idiot of the Week" and "Bananas" two exceptionally funny podcasts . I listen to both . Dave and Jeff Tiedrich combined with the other two make my comedy supply complete.
May I humbly nominate (Mr.) Dave Barry for the prestigious Substack Peace Prize. Reasons too numerous to list.
It'd be hilarious if we could get his name on the ballot for the 2026 FIFA Peace Prize. Surely we know somebody who could pull some strings?
Considering the apparent criteria for winning the FIFA Peace Prize are constant whining, lying, and being named Donald Trump, I doubt that Dave would qualify. Thankfully.
Thank you Dave for your hilarious comments keeping me from going " Full Raccoon".