Ooh, ooh, ooh...I hadn't thought of it before, but Steve Martin has written books - he could JOIN the Rock Bottom Remainders. If he ever does, I want a free ticket for suggesting it!
Dave loves his commenters. Dave's commenters love him even more. Somewhere St. Whitney is nodding approvingly and softly crooning The Greatest Love of All. 🍷
Madame has watched all fifty nominated films this year and can confirm that the trapdoor is the most humane solution proposed for the Oscars in decades. She would have deployed it during the documentaries alone.
A Pope from Chicago? Goodness. Madame supposes the incense will now carry a faint note of Italian beef, and the confessional will require a password. If he can promise a fast-track to sainthood for those of us who survive the Oscars telecast, Madame might even locate a suitable hat for the occasion. 🍷⛪
Madame suspects the Vatican kitchens are now experimenting with holy water–steamed Chicago dogs. The real theological question, of course, is whether ketchup constitutes a mortal sin. 🍷
I want to commend you for being a special friend of a wild and crazy guy who's a talented musician and, significantly, for having the best and most hair of any 78 year old celebrity probably since Oscar's birth.
Not well known but Dave was an Oscar contender for polishing Neil Diamonds lyrics to songs in the movie Jazz Singer, contributing the gems" I am the tune, play me you vixen" and "no one heard, not even the barcalounger"
My son's father, truly R.I.P., was a voracious reader and serious film fan. (He was incredible playing Trivial Pursuit.) He died while watching the Oscars in 2002. I have wondered what was on the screen as his BP dropped.
Best animated film was "Spirited Away". (He also had a great sense of humor.)
I watch him now in Only Murders in the Building on Disney plus. I think it would be cool if Dave got a cameo role on it! Like as one of Steve's good friends. Or... ?
Personally, the only movie I have seen this past year was KPop Demon Hunters, which should win best everything and then we can go for lunch.
The academy should consider opening a category for best tiktok and best YouTube ad, earned by not swiping or clicking skip ad. I have watched more of those than movies.
Agree to disagree. Despite being Netflix’s most-watched film of all time, a global phenomenon, its soundtrack occupying the Billboard charts for months, its characters adorning the lunchboxes of children everywhere, every frame looks like it was focus-grouped by an algorithm. The characters have the proportions of Barbie dolls and the emotional range of a substandard shampoo commercial. But... that is merely Madame's jaded view. It will undoubtedly win Animated Feature.
Madame admires a person who owns their enthusiasms without apology. It is, frankly, a spiritual practice. Madame shares this practice in her avid consumption of Regency romances featuring shirtless dukes and questionable syntax. 📖✨
And The Sting. The Sting. Madame has a soft spot for a well-executed con the way some women have a soft spot for a man in a three-piece suit who is almost certainly lying to them. The Academy should indeed consider retroactive re-awards. Madame would chair that committee. She has the bathrobe for it. 🍷
Mme B, your "...avid consumption of Regency romances featuring shirtless dukes and questionable syntax" deserves a round of applause for its evocative description of the sort of movie popular with a certain demographic -- married women of middle age experiencing regret pangs while binge-watching Poldark (either original or the remake) as their shlubby hubby snores in his recliner. (Ed. note: my autocorrect is apparently not familiar with conversational Yiddishisms - I meant to say "shrubby" NOT "shrubby") (God, please don't let AI take over everything)
Madame must thank you. Your remark produced the most unladylike snort of laughter heard in this salon today.
Madame would only clarify that Regency dukes and brooding miners are not substitutes for one’s domestic arrangements. They are decorative literary objects, like marble statues in a garden: pleasant to look at, completely impractical to live with.
The snoring loved one in the recliner, meanwhile, usually knows the location of the circuit breaker and how to reset the router. Madame respects this balance. 🍷
Madame began to suspect halfway through that the guiding creative brief may have been “more angst, louder.” Admirably committed, if somewhat overwhelming. Madame occasionally longs for a scene in which two people simply sit down and speak in complete sentences. 🍷
Madame appreciates the question and will answer it directly.
Madame speaks in the third person for the same reason opera singers do: projection and dramatic effect. Also, it helps maintain a respectful distance between Madame and some of the decisions she made in her twenties.
As for the schizophrenia—Madame prefers to think of it as a well-staffed interior. 🍷
Madame is clearly a genius and a true dramatic artist, every one of her. Wish I would have thought of that whole distancing thing...very wise. I salute you.
I understand that this year's Oscar swag bag will include a pair of size 14 black Florsheim shoes. Is that true?
Absolutely: part of the Make China Great Again strategy I believe……
😂
😆😆😆😆
Could you clarify whether you are friends with Steve Martin, please? I have always wondered.
I am too modest to respond.
I'll take that as a 'no'.
Modesty will get you everywhere.
I don’t like to drop names, but I once saw Dave Barry in the Miami airport. Or it could have been Brad Pitt.
We are often mistaken for each other.
No doubt.
Stunning resemblance.
Well, same genus and species anyway.
Keep it up, Dave!
I once saw Dave Barry *and* Gene Weingarten at Comet Ping Pong Pizza in DC.
I can't remember if it was before or after that lunatic shot up the place with an AR-15.
Who is Steve Martin?
A personal friend of mine.
Seriously? I had not heard that.
Really famous banjo player. So Dave probably met him when he was doing gigs with the Rock Bottom Remainders.
I think he's a magician, too.
Ooh, ooh, ooh...I hadn't thought of it before, but Steve Martin has written books - he could JOIN the Rock Bottom Remainders. If he ever does, I want a free ticket for suggesting it!
Fear not -- he's a Jerk
This was the response that resulted in my LOL reaction!
Reading the comments makes the laughs generated by the essay last longer. Thank you all.
I love my commenters.
Dave loves his commenters. Dave's commenters love him even more. Somewhere St. Whitney is nodding approvingly and softly crooning The Greatest Love of All. 🍷
This is, hands down, the funnest place to be.
Mos def.
Will you introduce us to Steve Martin?
My feeling is vaguely mutual.
Madame has watched all fifty nominated films this year and can confirm that the trapdoor is the most humane solution proposed for the Oscars in decades. She would have deployed it during the documentaries alone.
Your Oscar-themed essay this morning was brilliant.
Darling Bill, your great kindness and obvious cultural polish are almost enough to lure me to Catholicism. ❤️🍷
Hey, don't join just because of a goofball from Connecticut. We've now got a pope from Chicago!
A Pope from Chicago? Goodness. Madame supposes the incense will now carry a faint note of Italian beef, and the confessional will require a password. If he can promise a fast-track to sainthood for those of us who survive the Oscars telecast, Madame might even locate a suitable hat for the occasion. 🍷⛪
I wonder if the Vatican's hotdogs are better now
Madame suspects the Vatican kitchens are now experimenting with holy water–steamed Chicago dogs. The real theological question, of course, is whether ketchup constitutes a mortal sin. 🍷
I've heard of Harrison Ford's lawn sprinkler maintenance guy. He won an Oscar two years ago.
Thanks for taking the time to write this which got my mind off all our truly horrible news!! You are a good spirit in a troubled world!
Any chance I can order one of those Dave Head Oscar statuettes? I'd be willing to pay upwards of eleven dollars for it.
A Dave *bobble-head* Oscar Statuette would be a guaranteed hot seller!
What an awesome idea! I'd buy a 12-pack and have all my Christmas shopping done.
Unless it’s taken a tumble down the driveway
Those would be the perfect bookends for all of my Dave books. When are you going to make them available, Dave?
Steve Martin I know...but who's Dave Barry???
He was in a class at Michigan with a lawyer friend of mine.
Would this Steve be "Mr Steve Martin the wild and crazy guy"?
Does the question mark stay within the quotes, I never remember?
? Is inside the quotes.
No, Dave Barry went to Michigan for a semester or a few.
I want to commend you for being a special friend of a wild and crazy guy who's a talented musician and, significantly, for having the best and most hair of any 78 year old celebrity probably since Oscar's birth.
We had a meeting, and on behalf of Steves, we approve this essay.
Not well known but Dave was an Oscar contender for polishing Neil Diamonds lyrics to songs in the movie Jazz Singer, contributing the gems" I am the tune, play me you vixen" and "no one heard, not even the barcalounger"
"polish", "Diamonds", "gems" - nice work!!
I’m confused. Do you know Steve Martin?
I am too modest to respond.
My son's father, truly R.I.P., was a voracious reader and serious film fan. (He was incredible playing Trivial Pursuit.) He died while watching the Oscars in 2002. I have wondered what was on the screen as his BP dropped.
Best animated film was "Spirited Away". (He also had a great sense of humor.)
I’ve only seen one of the 90 pictures up for Best Picture Oscars as far as I know. It was Sinners and was terrific.
I won’t be watching. I’ll do as I always do, catch the highlights the next day.
I’m confused about that Steve Martin guy. Was he the one who had an arrow stuck on his head or is he the one wearing the Egyptian costume?
Both. :)
I watch him now in Only Murders in the Building on Disney plus. I think it would be cool if Dave got a cameo role on it! Like as one of Steve's good friends. Or... ?
I was aware of Steve’s two early efforts. I (obviously) didn’t land the joke well.
Personally, the only movie I have seen this past year was KPop Demon Hunters, which should win best everything and then we can go for lunch.
The academy should consider opening a category for best tiktok and best YouTube ad, earned by not swiping or clicking skip ad. I have watched more of those than movies.
Agree to disagree. Despite being Netflix’s most-watched film of all time, a global phenomenon, its soundtrack occupying the Billboard charts for months, its characters adorning the lunchboxes of children everywhere, every frame looks like it was focus-grouped by an algorithm. The characters have the proportions of Barbie dolls and the emotional range of a substandard shampoo commercial. But... that is merely Madame's jaded view. It will undoubtedly win Animated Feature.
Of course. It's mass appeal garbage.
But I watched it. So it's the best.
(Unless we also allow older movies - I just watched The Sting and we should renominate and reaward that).
Madame admires a person who owns their enthusiasms without apology. It is, frankly, a spiritual practice. Madame shares this practice in her avid consumption of Regency romances featuring shirtless dukes and questionable syntax. 📖✨
And The Sting. The Sting. Madame has a soft spot for a well-executed con the way some women have a soft spot for a man in a three-piece suit who is almost certainly lying to them. The Academy should indeed consider retroactive re-awards. Madame would chair that committee. She has the bathrobe for it. 🍷
Mme B, your "...avid consumption of Regency romances featuring shirtless dukes and questionable syntax" deserves a round of applause for its evocative description of the sort of movie popular with a certain demographic -- married women of middle age experiencing regret pangs while binge-watching Poldark (either original or the remake) as their shlubby hubby snores in his recliner. (Ed. note: my autocorrect is apparently not familiar with conversational Yiddishisms - I meant to say "shrubby" NOT "shrubby") (God, please don't let AI take over everything)
Madame must thank you. Your remark produced the most unladylike snort of laughter heard in this salon today.
Madame would only clarify that Regency dukes and brooding miners are not substitutes for one’s domestic arrangements. They are decorative literary objects, like marble statues in a garden: pleasant to look at, completely impractical to live with.
The snoring loved one in the recliner, meanwhile, usually knows the location of the circuit breaker and how to reset the router. Madame respects this balance. 🍷
I agree with your dis', ma'm. So much angst and noise, somewhat like now.
Madame began to suspect halfway through that the guiding creative brief may have been “more angst, louder.” Admirably committed, if somewhat overwhelming. Madame occasionally longs for a scene in which two people simply sit down and speak in complete sentences. 🍷
I am wondering why Madame refers to herself in the third person. I like it, it makes her seem regal, yet also possibly schizophrenic. Thoughts Madame?
Madame appreciates the question and will answer it directly.
Madame speaks in the third person for the same reason opera singers do: projection and dramatic effect. Also, it helps maintain a respectful distance between Madame and some of the decisions she made in her twenties.
As for the schizophrenia—Madame prefers to think of it as a well-staffed interior. 🍷
Madame is clearly a genius and a true dramatic artist, every one of her. Wish I would have thought of that whole distancing thing...very wise. I salute you.