I happen to be the proud owner of a 2025 Honda Odyssey in Blue Obsidian Pearl (whistles), and definitely see some parallels between The Odyssey, as recounted here by Mr. Barry, and our family trips to the beach with four kids under age 9, with the main difference being that it usually takes us about 15 minutes longer to get to the beach than it did for Odysseus to return home. Also, I've never read the book, but don't think Odysseus stopped at Buc-ee's.
Nailed it. Or shall I say, speared it. Left out one key touching scene, however: when Odysseus is reunited with his dog Argos, who looks at him and seems to say, "I'm happy to see you, but eating pigeon kibble for 20 years while waiting for you might not have been worth it."
So many people think the dog stares are reflecting ultimate love when they are really looking at the sandwich behind them on the table. wadeeli.substack.com.
Nah, not gonna see it. The Odyssey is a Boy Movie based on a Boy Book. You always know a Boy Movie because it’s full of Adventure and Bravery and Derring-Do and Deeds Which Will Bring Eternal Glory. Also, Charlize Theron or her equivalent, wearing Not Very Much and keeping the whole thing from being a complete sausage-fest. (See, also, James Bond.) As Boy Movies, these have few or no throw pillows, and we girls can’t be bothered. Also, Matt Damon has a very distracting pig nose and is no Brad Pitt. Two beautifully manicured thumbs down, preëmptively.
There really should be an island where Odysseus learns he inherited a vineyard (which has fallen into disrepair) and he plans to sell it but then gets convinced by the cute and plucky single neighbor (whose father worked the vineyard but now he's old and sad) to rehab it and they slowly fall in love and then her father dances a jig.
But then everyone dies and Odysseus drinks the last glass of wine and gets back to adventuring.
How about a slow-motion falling in love dance sequence? Or perhaps a potter’s wheel “Ghost-like” love scene but instead of clay they use the innards of an enemy and his horse?
Just chiming in to day I appreciate someone else who does the diacritic over repeated vowels to indicate compound words. People are baffled when I write coördinates in coöperative games, but I'm not alone.
I really appreciate the summary, Dave!!! Now I can go through the rest of my life knowing all the important parts. Oh, wait, I already saw Brother, Wherefore Art Thou…and read Homer….
Excellent, but you left out the very beginning, where we see a blind bard, presumably Homer, addressing the suitors. Only, instead of reciting some long poem, he pounds a stick to the tune of “We Will Rock You” and tells the backstory in three words. (Boom-Boom) Troy! (Boom-Boom) Horse! (Boom-Boom) Trick! If they’d let him say three more words, that could have been the whole movie.
It's not actually supposed to Homer- the bard is named in the Odyssey (I'm too lazy to go look up his name) and in the poem, he is the only person who survives when the suitors are massacred because Telemachus intervenes and tells his dad that the guy is 1) actually really good, and 2) was kidnapped by the suitors and forced to do a 10 year residency at The Palace (presumably Wayne Fontana and the Twang were eaten by Scylla on their way to the gig)
Honestly, the only reason why I remember that is the Across the Movie Aisle substack had a book club leading up to the film’s release and so the poem’s final chapters are still somewhat fresh in my mind.
"the film that launched a thousand tedious think pieces..." I was wondering how you were going to follow up on explosive diarrhea and decorative pillows.
Epic. One of my favorite parts of Mad Magazine as a kid was the movie reviews. This one was even better than your Mission Impossible piece on Tom Cruise. EPIC!
Has anyone seen it on Newsmax? I have heard that it is even louder and that, after three hours that fly by like three weeks, all the audience are permanently robbed of hearing. On the bright side, they will never hear MacArthur Park or I Did It My Way again, so there's that
Beware the Sirens, for they also sing "Don't Worry, Be Happy", "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer", "You Light Up My Life", "Endless Love", and "A Horse With No Name".
I haven't seen it yet and was on the fence about it. Now that I've read your screen play, there's no way I could sit through it without laughing out loud at inappropriate times. Thank you for that. You're the best.
Great comment Jonny. I’m glad I already saw the movie or I suspect I’d have the same reaction. Then I’d feel like Uncle Fester. By the way, it’s a good, not great movie. But we should all be grateful it exists so Dave could write this post! Excellent work.
I plan to watch. When it comes out on PPV. Then I can sit in my pajamas, pause for as many potty breaks as I please, and eat all the junk food I want for three glorious hours.
Exactly. The last time we went to a theater, we spent $50 on ONE pretzel (granted, it was pretty big) and two Diet Pepsis. And I missed part of the movie during a potty stop. Pretty spoiled being able to sit on my couch in jammies, eat “free” snacks, and pause at your own whim for a pee break. Movies theater experience is overrated.
Oh yeah, the theater sound system blaring makes my ears bleed.
Exactly! They shoulda hired the Scottish Barry to do the screenplay and Melvin Gibson for the lead role. The little white pig from Green Acres coulda been an extra and Zsa Zsa, a Siren or sorceress.
More than 50 years ago, I. was required to take Greek and Roman Culture in college. But because my major required every brain cell I could muster, I took it pass/fail so I could barely pay attention and still get by. Therefore, the story is as new as to me as when Homer wrote it
There are two main reasons I have not been to see this yet. 1.) I tend to fall asleep in comfy recliners in dark rooms. 2.) Was worried about missing important scenes during a bathroom break required of an all day length movie. You solved both problems by filling in any parts I would miss in those situations! Then again, now that I know the whole story, perhaps I’ll just nap in my recliner at home…
There is a website called RunPee that lists the best times to run and pee at the movie theater without missing anything important. The Odyssey pee breaks are between the first 25 to 30 minutes, the one hour mark, the one hour and 45 minute mark, and the 2 hour 10 minutes mark.
I had heard of that website but not used it. Thank YOU for doing the work and reporting back! I couldn’t ask for better intel! Now, maybe I won’t be running AND peeing as I won’t feel rushed! ❤️🤣
And yet they named a family van after a story where every passenger dies.🤔
I happen to be the proud owner of a 2025 Honda Odyssey in Blue Obsidian Pearl (whistles), and definitely see some parallels between The Odyssey, as recounted here by Mr. Barry, and our family trips to the beach with four kids under age 9, with the main difference being that it usually takes us about 15 minutes longer to get to the beach than it did for Odysseus to return home. Also, I've never read the book, but don't think Odysseus stopped at Buc-ee's.
Another eerily similar parallel:
KIDS: Dad, can we stop and get ice cream?
DAD (ME): Nah.
KIDS: Can we stop and use the bathroom?
DAD (ME): Nah.
KIDS: Are we there yet?
DAD (ME): Nah.
and it takes 7 years to get home! murder van, not mommy van!
If anybody complains about the on board navigation, Honda can always argue: Told you so!
Apparently the Japanese do not read epic Greek poems and chose to interpret it as merely a journey.
Nailed it. Or shall I say, speared it. Left out one key touching scene, however: when Odysseus is reunited with his dog Argos, who looks at him and seems to say, "I'm happy to see you, but eating pigeon kibble for 20 years while waiting for you might not have been worth it."
Pigeon Kibble would be a good name for a rock band!
Nah. Pigeon Droppings, maybe. wadeeli.substack.com
So many people think the dog stares are reflecting ultimate love when they are really looking at the sandwich behind them on the table. wadeeli.substack.com.
I liked the movie but , knowing the story, I knew when to close my eyes. Also. My ears as the sound effects were Loud and gross.
I was also concerned that Argos was forgotten.
Nah, not gonna see it. The Odyssey is a Boy Movie based on a Boy Book. You always know a Boy Movie because it’s full of Adventure and Bravery and Derring-Do and Deeds Which Will Bring Eternal Glory. Also, Charlize Theron or her equivalent, wearing Not Very Much and keeping the whole thing from being a complete sausage-fest. (See, also, James Bond.) As Boy Movies, these have few or no throw pillows, and we girls can’t be bothered. Also, Matt Damon has a very distracting pig nose and is no Brad Pitt. Two beautifully manicured thumbs down, preëmptively.
There really should be an island where Odysseus learns he inherited a vineyard (which has fallen into disrepair) and he plans to sell it but then gets convinced by the cute and plucky single neighbor (whose father worked the vineyard but now he's old and sad) to rehab it and they slowly fall in love and then her father dances a jig.
But then everyone dies and Odysseus drinks the last glass of wine and gets back to adventuring.
Then women would like at least part of the movie.
Bwahaha! The Hallmark Interlude. Might do the trick, if enough scented candles and throw pillows were involved …
And it happened over Christmas. 🙄
Nah.
I like it. A nice added touch would be to move the location from the Aegean Sea to a small town in upstate New York!
That is totally sexist and inaccurate! Don’t you know he would have to inherit a Christmas Tree farm?
How about a slow-motion falling in love dance sequence? Or perhaps a potter’s wheel “Ghost-like” love scene but instead of clay they use the innards of an enemy and his horse?
Just chiming in to day I appreciate someone else who does the diacritic over repeated vowels to indicate compound words. People are baffled when I write coördinates in coöperative games, but I'm not alone.
You and the New Yorker.
And all the hot boys are covered in armor? Nah.
I really appreciate the summary, Dave!!! Now I can go through the rest of my life knowing all the important parts. Oh, wait, I already saw Brother, Wherefore Art Thou…and read Homer….
Better soundtrack on Oh, Brother. Nolan ends his movie with that Christopher Cross song.
So true. Love that sound track!
How do you pronounce "Circe"? Is it Circe or is it Circe?
Yes.
A penchant for ambiguity is truly a gift.
It's Gwendolyn.
Pretty sure it’s Circe.
“Not the Craw! THE CRAW!!!”
Mel Brooks from, “Get Smart.”
Excellent, but you left out the very beginning, where we see a blind bard, presumably Homer, addressing the suitors. Only, instead of reciting some long poem, he pounds a stick to the tune of “We Will Rock You” and tells the backstory in three words. (Boom-Boom) Troy! (Boom-Boom) Horse! (Boom-Boom) Trick! If they’d let him say three more words, that could have been the whole movie.
It's not actually supposed to Homer- the bard is named in the Odyssey (I'm too lazy to go look up his name) and in the poem, he is the only person who survives when the suitors are massacred because Telemachus intervenes and tells his dad that the guy is 1) actually really good, and 2) was kidnapped by the suitors and forced to do a 10 year residency at The Palace (presumably Wayne Fontana and the Twang were eaten by Scylla on their way to the gig)
Yes! My bad! My license to promulgate crackpot theories about The Odyssey should probably be revoked. https://markmacgougan.substack.com/p/macgougan-at-large-2b7?r=3ado4a&utm_campaign=post-expanded-share&utm_medium=web
Honestly, the only reason why I remember that is the Across the Movie Aisle substack had a book club leading up to the film’s release and so the poem’s final chapters are still somewhat fresh in my mind.
I haven’t seen The Odyssey, but I did watch a great documentary on Netflix about microplastics.
Is that the one where they say we're really not ingesting enough of them if we ever hope to evolve into action figures?
I'd swallow an entire laundry detergent bottle if I could evolve into Wonder Woman.
Is stock my arm in a while cage of radioactive spiders if it would make me Spider Man. I'd be a hell of a lot younger, too. 🕷 🕸
🤣
I wonder which epic you’d find more disturbing if you’d seen both, Sue?
😘
"the film that launched a thousand tedious think pieces..." I was wondering how you were going to follow up on explosive diarrhea and decorative pillows.
Epic. One of my favorite parts of Mad Magazine as a kid was the movie reviews. This one was even better than your Mission Impossible piece on Tom Cruise. EPIC!
You made it sound like it was not a comedy.
Has anyone seen it on Newsmax? I have heard that it is even louder and that, after three hours that fly by like three weeks, all the audience are permanently robbed of hearing. On the bright side, they will never hear MacArthur Park or I Did It My Way again, so there's that
Beware the Sirens, for they also sing "Don't Worry, Be Happy", "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer", "You Light Up My Life", "Endless Love", and "A Horse With No Name".
"On the first part of the journey..." Ye gods, you're right! It'd be *perfect*!
For sure! The only downside would be its monotonous tune, not what you'd expect from the Sirens.
At least they didn’t sing the KARS4KIDS song.
Everyone knows the Sirens were humming repetitive Muzak
I haven't seen it yet and was on the fence about it. Now that I've read your screen play, there's no way I could sit through it without laughing out loud at inappropriate times. Thank you for that. You're the best.
Great comment Jonny. I’m glad I already saw the movie or I suspect I’d have the same reaction. Then I’d feel like Uncle Fester. By the way, it’s a good, not great movie. But we should all be grateful it exists so Dave could write this post! Excellent work.
I plan to watch. When it comes out on PPV. Then I can sit in my pajamas, pause for as many potty breaks as I please, and eat all the junk food I want for three glorious hours.
Exactly. The last time we went to a theater, we spent $50 on ONE pretzel (granted, it was pretty big) and two Diet Pepsis. And I missed part of the movie during a potty stop. Pretty spoiled being able to sit on my couch in jammies, eat “free” snacks, and pause at your own whim for a pee break. Movies theater experience is overrated.
Oh yeah, the theater sound system blaring makes my ears bleed.
Exactly! They shoulda hired the Scottish Barry to do the screenplay and Melvin Gibson for the lead role. The little white pig from Green Acres coulda been an extra and Zsa Zsa, a Siren or sorceress.
And the Charlotte's Web pig Wilbur who becomes the return party feast.
Perfect porcine!
Same here!
Wait for streaming - then you can take potty and popcorn breaks, livened up with popped beer cans
I am so glad to see that I'm not the only who absolutely doesn't care about this movie.
Michael: As soon as I saw it was 3 hours' long, I thought: Nah!
'twas a long journey, you might even call it an odyssey
Wrote too many papers on Iliad and Odyssey... got nothing left. (Yet have to protest, "My Dad is coming home," Telemachus says. DAD?)
"derek guy" posted: "watched the odyssey last night. film ruined by everyone speaking english instead of ancient greek."
The book was better.
But written in funny letters and, thus, not for everyone
💕😂😂😂. Well said, Gayle!!
Nah.
wadeeli.substack.com
More than 50 years ago, I. was required to take Greek and Roman Culture in college. But because my major required every brain cell I could muster, I took it pass/fail so I could barely pay attention and still get by. Therefore, the story is as new as to me as when Homer wrote it
There are two main reasons I have not been to see this yet. 1.) I tend to fall asleep in comfy recliners in dark rooms. 2.) Was worried about missing important scenes during a bathroom break required of an all day length movie. You solved both problems by filling in any parts I would miss in those situations! Then again, now that I know the whole story, perhaps I’ll just nap in my recliner at home…
All movies more than 2 hours long should have a government mandated intermission.
There is a website called RunPee that lists the best times to run and pee at the movie theater without missing anything important. The Odyssey pee breaks are between the first 25 to 30 minutes, the one hour mark, the one hour and 45 minute mark, and the 2 hour 10 minutes mark.
I had heard of that website but not used it. Thank YOU for doing the work and reporting back! I couldn’t ask for better intel! Now, maybe I won’t be running AND peeing as I won’t feel rushed! ❤️🤣