Are you available for further help and consultation? It will have to be after my return from the hospital . Unfortunately, you gave no guidance with respect to age restrictions and we 80year olds. Are nowI suffering the consequences. we have however, canceled all newspaper subscriptions, which we found as improved our mental health immensely.
I don't know how many therapists owe their livelihood to the rope climb, but it's got to be up there. I literally had nightmares about it. I could climb ... well ... two feet. My scrawny arms would give way, and the heckles from the merciless sixth-graders would begin.I got my revenge in spelling class, however, with words like "judgment."
Indeed. Even worse than the rope climb was having to change into gym clothes -- particularly in middle school. Some kids would have bodies that looked like Jason Kelce when they were 12. Mine didn't change until well into my 20s. Oh, the traumas of youth!
Just as true for girls. I was a late bloomer, and remember the embarrassment of being called out for wearing my slip under the gym suit, and trying to explain that the straps were from my training bra. This was in 9th grade. . .
The crazy thing about the rope climb was -- if you could do it -- you got yourself all the way up to the rafters in the gym, relying on, I think a 3-inch thick foam mat to avoid dying if you fell. Simpler times, lol.
Gym classes for kids in the early 90s were wild -- a strange mix of crazy physical demands (like the rope climb and running the mile), somehow combined with bizarre activities like playing with a giant parachute (everyone's favorite) and juggling scarves. I am not making that up:)
Exactly! I vaguely remember one kid in my class making it to the top and then becoming terrified to come down. The phys ed teacher gave him an earful. Should've been put in jail.
Late 60s: no rope or rings but there were parallel bars and I was ‘ok’ with them. They were kept at the lowest height UNTIL TEST DAY when the evil Mrs. Smith moved them up quite a bit. No warning, no advice and I’m sure we hadn’t practiced for very long. I was terrified. Pretty sure I flunked.
By the time I had to take it (in the late 90s/early 2000s), I think they'd discontinued the rope climb...but the "flexed-arm hang" (was that there before, or was that the rope-climb's replacement?) was just as bad.
Dave, your affability appears to attract readers who've silently suffered for cumulative thousands of years from rope climb trauma. I'm a therapist and haven't seen rope climb trauma in a 48-year career. But it seems like all adult clients reference adolescent self-consciousness in the locker room, current concern about disappearing muscle mass, ambivalence about committing to a work out regimen, and creative training of their dogs, children and spouses to take over physical chores. Working out personal issues through humor is a gift!
Back in the Stone Age when I was a kid, I remember taking the Presidential Fitness test. One of the tests involved grabbing a chalkboard eraser from the ground, running 20 feet, and putting it back down on the ground. We had to do this several times with several erasers.
I have no idea why we had to do this, but if we as a nation ever have to move erasers from place to place, there is a whole generation of Boomers that will be able to tell stories about that.
Ahhh I remember this well… but we also had to take a swipe at the dirty blackboard on our way back.. a daunting task for those of us who were height challenged…
Hmmm. In the ‘60’s in Madison, Wisconsin, we didn’t have to pick up erasers. We were supposed to do all of the other things, though. Our gym classes never covered the skills required to pass the test. Girls were at a particular disadvantage because being strong was not considered something girls would ever need. We didn’t gymnastics and weird folks dancing. Therefore, rope climbing has always been and will always be out of reach for me! 😉
Like, I don’t mean to perpetuate the tradition of suggesting cool band names but So. Many. Band. Names. The Weeniefication Woo-woo band, the Leather Warrior Briefs, the Unsanitized Garden Tools, the Gen-Whatever Whippersnappers? Dave, that’s an embarrassment of opportunities.
After house-training, the next trick one should teach one's at least waist-high dog is to retrieve the newspaper from the driveway and do a mouth-to-master transfer. In colder, snowier months where I live, the payoff treat may have to ramp up to a U.S.D.A T-bone steak. Who's a good boy?
I can relate! When I was younger, I’d start each day with fifteen minutes of stretching and strength exercises before getting dressed. Now my fifteen minutes of stretching and strength exercises is me getting dressed.
I have found a very successful fitness regimen in the form of my 4-year-old, who never stops moving and must frequently be chased and captured so that he does not crash into a bookcase or cause something large to fall on him.
I would suggest that Dave try this with the grandkids, but I want him to live.
I like that you differentiated between crashing into a bookcase OR causing something large to fall on him, thereby indicating that you did indeed put an ugly hole in your wall to secure the bookcase!
You win the Internet for me today. I will be sharing these widely with all those I know who are looking for an understanding of “Pete’s” warrior mindset. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Do belly laughs give you a good ab workout? If so, done. Except for the unfortunate mental picture of 47 wearing a 300 replica leather brief made from a herd of cattle. Owie, brain pain.
I train three nights a week in martial arts. The dojo updated its AED when my iSnitch watch kept alerting and paramedics starting showing up to participate in class. When asked at a medical office if I had any pain, I said that my shoulder wasn't feeling great because I threw someone the wrong way. Fitness can be a fickle friend.
Dave - you have much to look forward to. For an octogenarian, I’m fit as a fiddle. A fiddle, below the neck, has a wide part, a narrow part, and another wide part. In my case, however, the two wide parts are together.
But no bow is needed for all the parts to become sources of music. When doing strenuous physical activity, like rising from a chair or getting out of a sports car, my knees and back become percussive instruments accompanied by involuntary vocal sounds.
I also make music when bending or standing up from a chair....but it's more of a sad saxophone effect accompanying the percussive joints popping. It's good that I live alone, or I'd be embarrassed. My cat doesn't mind, because I have to scoop his poop, so we're even.
Easy fix here, Dave. Have your wife pick up the paper. She will then have something to read while you carry her.
Are you available for further help and consultation? It will have to be after my return from the hospital . Unfortunately, you gave no guidance with respect to age restrictions and we 80year olds. Are nowI suffering the consequences. we have however, canceled all newspaper subscriptions, which we found as improved our mental health immensely.
Win win!
Nobody seems to notice how dangerous wife carrying ist. For the wife. She's wearing a helmet.
I can’t quit laughing…I think I pulled a groin muscle. You’re killing me. LOL (Do people say LOL anymore? Asking for a friend. )
Perhaps the more pertinent question is, "Is anybody laughing these days?"
I will admit the chuckles are few and far between. That’s why reading Dave is like a ray of sunshine during a shit storm.
In modern online conversation, "LOL" is now spelled "LOLOL."
Wow…that’s a lot of letters…now I need a nap. LOLOL (Just for you, John.)
(laughing)
EVERY freaking thing is more over the top these days. Er, I mean EVERY FREAKING THING is.
I don't know how many therapists owe their livelihood to the rope climb, but it's got to be up there. I literally had nightmares about it. I could climb ... well ... two feet. My scrawny arms would give way, and the heckles from the merciless sixth-graders would begin.I got my revenge in spelling class, however, with words like "judgment."
It would have helped if they had taught us how to grip the rope, or any of the other skills we were tested on. Also, “berate.”
Indeed. Even worse than the rope climb was having to change into gym clothes -- particularly in middle school. Some kids would have bodies that looked like Jason Kelce when they were 12. Mine didn't change until well into my 20s. Oh, the traumas of youth!
I get it! At rope climbing age I had the muscle definition of a chalk outline.
(laughing)
Just as true for girls. I was a late bloomer, and remember the embarrassment of being called out for wearing my slip under the gym suit, and trying to explain that the straps were from my training bra. This was in 9th grade. . .
Slip under your gym suit!? Did you not have a one-piece with bloomer-type short pants?
Yes. Slips not allowed, especially since they wouldn't fit in the suit. But she thought it must be a slip; I clearly didn't need a bra.
Interesting how a gym teacher can ruin her own class. I had one like that.
The crazy thing about the rope climb was -- if you could do it -- you got yourself all the way up to the rafters in the gym, relying on, I think a 3-inch thick foam mat to avoid dying if you fell. Simpler times, lol.
Gym classes for kids in the early 90s were wild -- a strange mix of crazy physical demands (like the rope climb and running the mile), somehow combined with bizarre activities like playing with a giant parachute (everyone's favorite) and juggling scarves. I am not making that up:)
Exactly! I vaguely remember one kid in my class making it to the top and then becoming terrified to come down. The phys ed teacher gave him an earful. Should've been put in jail.
Character building. Who would we be without gym class-induced trauma??
2 feet? Who are you, Charles Atlas? I couldn’t get off the ground.
I could handle the rope climb…but the RINGS…ah..still have memories of total failure….
Late 60s: no rope or rings but there were parallel bars and I was ‘ok’ with them. They were kept at the lowest height UNTIL TEST DAY when the evil Mrs. Smith moved them up quite a bit. No warning, no advice and I’m sure we hadn’t practiced for very long. I was terrified. Pretty sure I flunked.
By the time I had to take it (in the late 90s/early 2000s), I think they'd discontinued the rope climb...but the "flexed-arm hang" (was that there before, or was that the rope-climb's replacement?) was just as bad.
In the 60s, girls did that instead of actual pull-ups. It was important to use the bathroom before it was your turn.
Dave, your affability appears to attract readers who've silently suffered for cumulative thousands of years from rope climb trauma. I'm a therapist and haven't seen rope climb trauma in a 48-year career. But it seems like all adult clients reference adolescent self-consciousness in the locker room, current concern about disappearing muscle mass, ambivalence about committing to a work out regimen, and creative training of their dogs, children and spouses to take over physical chores. Working out personal issues through humor is a gift!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Man I was skinny but rope climb and jump rope were my specialties in my tiny football obsessed town.
As a retired urologist, I can highly recommend the Spartan style leather briefs, which make an excellent contraceptive.
Yeah, maybe, but I confess that that one line in the description -- "adjustable rear snaps allowing for a better fit" -- gave me pause.
But, more importantly, will it reduce the size of one’s prostate? I am not Scottish, tho.
Hard boiled eggs in a sac = no spermatozoa
In the wifey-carry race, do they cross the Finnish line?
Ba dumm tissh!
🤣👏
Back in the Stone Age when I was a kid, I remember taking the Presidential Fitness test. One of the tests involved grabbing a chalkboard eraser from the ground, running 20 feet, and putting it back down on the ground. We had to do this several times with several erasers.
I have no idea why we had to do this, but if we as a nation ever have to move erasers from place to place, there is a whole generation of Boomers that will be able to tell stories about that.
Crying laughing. Forgot this one! I did have sleepless nights anticipating the Presidential Physical Fitness Test "one-mile walk run”. Puleeze
I went to Catholic grade school. No gym classes. They were afraid if they put us in a room with boys we’d all end up pregnant.
Ahhh I remember this well… but we also had to take a swipe at the dirty blackboard on our way back.. a daunting task for those of us who were height challenged…
Substitute AGM114 Hellfire Missiles for erasers and VOILA! A method for school kids to move them from loading dock to tarmac safely and stylishly!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Hmmm. In the ‘60’s in Madison, Wisconsin, we didn’t have to pick up erasers. We were supposed to do all of the other things, though. Our gym classes never covered the skills required to pass the test. Girls were at a particular disadvantage because being strong was not considered something girls would ever need. We didn’t gymnastics and weird folks dancing. Therefore, rope climbing has always been and will always be out of reach for me! 😉
Chalkboard eraser is a funky name for a sponge. (Surmising that only the writing would be erased, not the whole board)
Ours were made of some kind of felt
I hated this when it came in. Made gym even more miserable, and I liked playing sports.
Thanks so much for making us laugh. I mean it.
Like, I don’t mean to perpetuate the tradition of suggesting cool band names but So. Many. Band. Names. The Weeniefication Woo-woo band, the Leather Warrior Briefs, the Unsanitized Garden Tools, the Gen-Whatever Whippersnappers? Dave, that’s an embarrassment of opportunities.
It's why I'm here.
I often have to stop and go back and count the number of potential band names! It’s truly astounding!
After house-training, the next trick one should teach one's at least waist-high dog is to retrieve the newspaper from the driveway and do a mouth-to-master transfer. In colder, snowier months where I live, the payoff treat may have to ramp up to a U.S.D.A T-bone steak. Who's a good boy?
My father's dog used to bring him his paper! Thanks for bring that memory to me!!
I can relate! When I was younger, I’d start each day with fifteen minutes of stretching and strength exercises before getting dressed. Now my fifteen minutes of stretching and strength exercises is me getting dressed.
I have found a very successful fitness regimen in the form of my 4-year-old, who never stops moving and must frequently be chased and captured so that he does not crash into a bookcase or cause something large to fall on him.
I would suggest that Dave try this with the grandkids, but I want him to live.
I like that you differentiated between crashing into a bookcase OR causing something large to fall on him, thereby indicating that you did indeed put an ugly hole in your wall to secure the bookcase!
Also, the grandkids.
Here is the great Spartan Hegseth almost killing someone on live TV:
https://x.com/ianbremmer/status/1856725051480895634
And here he is getting kicked in the nuts - by himself:
https://x.com/patriottakes/status/1972659477124878736
This is the warrior mindset America needs - someone who is willing to kill drunkenly on live TV and also ball himself.
There are also videos of Kegseth flailing like a hanged horse thief while trying to do a pull-up.
Link?
You win the Internet for me today. I will be sharing these widely with all those I know who are looking for an understanding of “Pete’s” warrior mindset. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Do belly laughs give you a good ab workout? If so, done. Except for the unfortunate mental picture of 47 wearing a 300 replica leather brief made from a herd of cattle. Owie, brain pain.
My thought exactly! 🤢
Incredibly fit, a homogenous group,
Spartan hoplites subsisted on pork-and-blood soup.
They had unsubtle notions about women’s worth:
When they weren’t making broth,
Women had to give birth.
Spartan toughness and training were part of their thesis
That they ought to rule over the Peloponnesus.
But their secret’s been kept:
When a Spartan grew old,
You’re thinking: “they just left him out in the cold!”
Geezer Spartans did NOT end their lives as a scrounger.
The Laconians invented the first
BarcaLounger.
And they prayed to Asklepios,
God and physician
To adjust grandpa’s throne in a comfy position.
No more bilious black broth
At the table for Zeta;
But the world’s first Greek Salad
With spinach and feta.
The Athenian men, monological talkers,
Had a silent old age, navigating with walkers.
It is true, many Spartans fell at The Hot Gates,
‘Twas the will of the gods, and ordained by the Fates.
But survivors received early Medicare payments
And enjoyed the full spectrum of Greek entertainments.
Plase - let us know when your book of snarky but mighty clever poetry will be released. I'll buy a signed copy, stat.
I train three nights a week in martial arts. The dojo updated its AED when my iSnitch watch kept alerting and paramedics starting showing up to participate in class. When asked at a medical office if I had any pain, I said that my shoulder wasn't feeling great because I threw someone the wrong way. Fitness can be a fickle friend.
"I threw someone the wrong way": killer epitaph, David!
I threw someone the wrong way: This disqualifies you from the wife carrying contest.
“iSnitch watch”😂😂
Dave - you have much to look forward to. For an octogenarian, I’m fit as a fiddle. A fiddle, below the neck, has a wide part, a narrow part, and another wide part. In my case, however, the two wide parts are together.
But no bow is needed for all the parts to become sources of music. When doing strenuous physical activity, like rising from a chair or getting out of a sports car, my knees and back become percussive instruments accompanied by involuntary vocal sounds.
I also make music when bending or standing up from a chair....but it's more of a sad saxophone effect accompanying the percussive joints popping. It's good that I live alone, or I'd be embarrassed. My cat doesn't mind, because I have to scoop his poop, so we're even.
"involuntary vocal sounds": yeah... the barely-audible expulsion of breath! the nearly-a-whimper "Uh!"
I wonder what they sound like with a Finnish accent?
Involuntary vocal sounds! Also a good band name!