Did you know that there is a real portable toilet company called Ameri-Can. Seems to me they should change their name to America-Can't. As in, you can't make this shit up.
Cracks me up to have so many extremely clever and humorous folks in one spot. Much needed during this wretched time of constant depression and destruction.
but then they couldn't, which would make their original name wrong and they'd have to change it to cant and it would just go round and round which is putting badd images in my head and I;ll stop now
A couple of months ago, I was behind the prettiest, shiniest honey wagon I had ever seen. It was truly a beautiful truck. The business name is Doodie Calls and the phone number is 1-800-POOP.
I have a picture but I don't know how to get it from my phone to my computer which is what I am right this minute.
EDIT: The phone number is 813-800-POOP. Seriously. Never heard of an 800 exchange in the 813 area but there it was, right on the truck.
Shame there are no rose bushes any more. Perhaps the administration could install a large compost heap. (No need to contain rotting vegetation in a vessel, it will fit right in with the current thematic of the White House). In many cultures a nice pee onto/into the compost after dinner is enjoyed by all. The uria is beneficial for the future soil and assists with the composting process. I imagine DJT, his minions, powerful heads of state and captains of industry who want to curry favor all standing around a large heap and firing away. Of course the ladies are at a disadvantage in this scenario, but locating a few strategically placed shrubs (perhaps rose bushes) could allow some for female inclusion and modesty. No porta potties required.
Funny, compost heap has come to my mind recently---but I'm not sure why. This is such an interesting bit of info. Nice image. The guys can compare dicks and talk business. And---it almost goes without saying that the ladies are ALWAYS at a disadvantage in this regime. I've always thought the whole cabinet would someday come out sporting giant wooden penises. (I think I've seen pictures like that in Anthropology.)
The “Indiana University of Indiana” name is almost as nuts as the signs I see in West Palm Bch (per the road signs) that say “Alternate A1A” which really means “Alternate Alternate Highway One Alternate.” Score a win for Florida in the redundant naming stakes.
Maybe Indiana can fight back with “Indiana University of Indiana for Indianans.”
In a minor senility moment, when I first saw the IUI image, I read that as UTI and wondered why the university was boasting about its urinary tract infections.
In Texas people call our border river “The Rio Grande River”, which, of course, translates into “The River Grand River”. But almost as bad, I had friends in Charlottesville, VA who pronounced, out loud with absolutely no shame or hint of humor, a road named Rio, as R-long I-O!
Number 1: So are we to infer that there are no men's rooms in the White House? That explains a lot. Number 2: Like some commenters below, I'm going to subscribe to PRO so as not to miss out on important breaking waste disposal news. Oh, and this week's band name suggestion: Nils Pituffik and The Farting Seals.
I thought numbering the two sentences would provide a humorous implication, considering the subject matter. If I were going somewhere else, I would have forgotten what I went there for. I'm that old.
I read somewhere that in New Zealand MAGA is Make America Go Away. Come to think of it, that may actually apply here as I contemplate heading to New Zealand.
Foreigners in New Zealand are directed to the Witch Doctors of Old Zealand. They are inconveniently located in the Undeveloped Zealand and staffed by roving tribes. Watch out for poison darts.
How you make me laugh out loud every time I read your column is both a blessing and a, well, a good thing. Because so much right now just isn’t. (I’m in Minnesota) But I can’t help myself, for which I’m very grateful. Looking forward to the giant truck rally in the East Wing.
Hang In there, Minnesota! Your elected officials, your protests, the possible strike today---they give us all hope. I know it's not your choice to be on the front lines but you are inspiring.
One of my few unforgettable memories was our family having a summer vacation on St. Croix River in MN, in a cottage with only an outhouse (presumably a topic for another column), which is what people had before they invented porta-potties. It being MN summer, there was a terrific rainstorm, with lightning hitting nearby, making the outhouse visit memorable 60+ years later…
I thought President Trump wanted Greenland to build a chain of golf courses, I mean it is called Greenland for a reason! I see the big challenge with the White House porta potties as being too small to host the usual collection of men’s magazines, oops meant to say classified sensitive burn before reading national security documents which used to have a home in Mar a Lago until the FBI rudely took them away.
The White House port-a-potties look ordinary, but if you dive in, you’ll find that they contain concealed nuclear fallout shelters. (Don’t believe me? See for yourself.)
In reading your sentence about what Greenland has that the US doesn’t, I read it as you said Greenland has Indiana. Read the entire caribou article trying to find reference to Indiana. The mind in old age gives us countless hours of musings like that. Speaking of caribou, the national animal of Finland is the reindeer and it is often on the menu in that country. I’ve been mulling what it means when you like to eat your national symbol. Apparently they are one of the happiest countries (although I think that really stems from keeping modest expectations). Maybe Americans would be happier if they ate more eagles? Trump would not like it in Finland. EVERYONES’ tax returns are made public. But he’d be closer to his bestie Putin.
IK,R? This is the only laugh I've had in weeks! My cat was very confused by my sudden mood swing. He's keeping some distance between us now, and watching to see what I might do next...
Never mind, he got bored and went to check on the Apartment Door of my Apartment and the Kitchen in my Kitchen Area....where I keep my Caribou.
Wouldn’t King Charles actually need a Port-a-Throne?!?!
I'd say it belongs with the Dookie of Cornwall
Port-a-Throne! I want one!
That's why the whole thing is so embarrassing.
Breaking that down to em-bare-a$$ing
Did you know that there is a real portable toilet company called Ameri-Can. Seems to me they should change their name to America-Can't. As in, you can't make this shit up.
Is that short for “America-Canada”? If so, our relationship with our northern neighbors has deteriorated further than I thought.
Cracks me up to have so many extremely clever and humorous folks in one spot. Much needed during this wretched time of constant depression and destruction.
Damn AI ruined another sentence and I don’t know how to edit in Substack🥵
(?)just hit the ellipsis at the right
Thanks!
but then they couldn't, which would make their original name wrong and they'd have to change it to cant and it would just go round and round which is putting badd images in my head and I;ll stop now
..
I see what you did there.
A couple of months ago, I was behind the prettiest, shiniest honey wagon I had ever seen. It was truly a beautiful truck. The business name is Doodie Calls and the phone number is 1-800-POOP.
I have a picture but I don't know how to get it from my phone to my computer which is what I am right this minute.
EDIT: The phone number is 813-800-POOP. Seriously. Never heard of an 800 exchange in the 813 area but there it was, right on the truck.
Sadly, there are no rosebushes left to pee in. More poor planning on the part of this administration.
My mistake.
Shame there are no rose bushes any more. Perhaps the administration could install a large compost heap. (No need to contain rotting vegetation in a vessel, it will fit right in with the current thematic of the White House). In many cultures a nice pee onto/into the compost after dinner is enjoyed by all. The uria is beneficial for the future soil and assists with the composting process. I imagine DJT, his minions, powerful heads of state and captains of industry who want to curry favor all standing around a large heap and firing away. Of course the ladies are at a disadvantage in this scenario, but locating a few strategically placed shrubs (perhaps rose bushes) could allow some for female inclusion and modesty. No porta potties required.
Funny, compost heap has come to my mind recently---but I'm not sure why. This is such an interesting bit of info. Nice image. The guys can compare dicks and talk business. And---it almost goes without saying that the ladies are ALWAYS at a disadvantage in this regime. I've always thought the whole cabinet would someday come out sporting giant wooden penises. (I think I've seen pictures like that in Anthropology.)
The “Indiana University of Indiana” name is almost as nuts as the signs I see in West Palm Bch (per the road signs) that say “Alternate A1A” which really means “Alternate Alternate Highway One Alternate.” Score a win for Florida in the redundant naming stakes.
Maybe Indiana can fight back with “Indiana University of Indiana for Indianans.”
In a minor senility moment, when I first saw the IUI image, I read that as UTI and wondered why the university was boasting about its urinary tract infections.
There is an Indiana, Penn., and an Indiana University of Pennsylvania….
In Texas people call our border river “The Rio Grande River”, which, of course, translates into “The River Grand River”. But almost as bad, I had friends in Charlottesville, VA who pronounced, out loud with absolutely no shame or hint of humor, a road named Rio, as R-long I-O!
Well, you would, wouldn't you?
Number 1: So are we to infer that there are no men's rooms in the White House? That explains a lot. Number 2: Like some commenters below, I'm going to subscribe to PRO so as not to miss out on important breaking waste disposal news. Oh, and this week's band name suggestion: Nils Pituffik and The Farting Seals.
Terrific band name. Plus, somehow I thought you were going somewhere else with Number 1 and Number 2---maybe that's an adjacent topic?
I thought numbering the two sentences would provide a humorous implication, considering the subject matter. If I were going somewhere else, I would have forgotten what I went there for. I'm that old.
I understood the #1 and #2 reference immediately since my entire family's only talent, going back as many generations as I can recall, is potty humor.
This is very funny. I join you in the old age column (77) and like to think... well...something profound, I'm sure. Cheers!
We must Make America Great Britain Again.
I read somewhere that in New Zealand MAGA is Make America Go Away. Come to think of it, that may actually apply here as I contemplate heading to New Zealand.
What’s the health care like for ex-pats in NZ?
Foreigners in New Zealand are directed to the Witch Doctors of Old Zealand. They are inconveniently located in the Undeveloped Zealand and staffed by roving tribes. Watch out for poison darts.
Watching the news feels like poison darts! Oh wait! Not funny.
Not to mention cannibals. Make sure you tell the witch doctors your disease transmits through the digestive system.
So, a little better than CityMD, at least? Sounds promising.
I saw pictures of people in Denmark wearing those hats.
In Greenland they are now wearing red hats that say “Make America Go Away”.
Also in Greenland. They have the hats.
Yes, indeed.
Declaring war on Denmark feels risky. They seem organized. Also they have pastries.
I'll surrender for Danish coffee and... well, a few pastries.
I have found my people... err... my robot. ❤️
Glad you ended with toilets bc that’s where this entire administration belongs.
How you make me laugh out loud every time I read your column is both a blessing and a, well, a good thing. Because so much right now just isn’t. (I’m in Minnesota) But I can’t help myself, for which I’m very grateful. Looking forward to the giant truck rally in the East Wing.
Hang In there, Minnesota! Your elected officials, your protests, the possible strike today---they give us all hope. I know it's not your choice to be on the front lines but you are inspiring.
The foreign dignitary guests are sure to enjoy the tractor pull entertainment offering!
There’s talk of a Grand Prix-style Indy Car race on the National Mall for our 250th birthday.
One of my few unforgettable memories was our family having a summer vacation on St. Croix River in MN, in a cottage with only an outhouse (presumably a topic for another column), which is what people had before they invented porta-potties. It being MN summer, there was a terrific rainstorm, with lightning hitting nearby, making the outhouse visit memorable 60+ years later…
In Minnesota we don’t have cottages, we have cabins. But we DO have outhouses AND Porta Potties. We are flush with options. (See what I did there?)
Heh heh heh…caribou…Indiana. Way to circle back on that!
I thought President Trump wanted Greenland to build a chain of golf courses, I mean it is called Greenland for a reason! I see the big challenge with the White House porta potties as being too small to host the usual collection of men’s magazines, oops meant to say classified sensitive burn before reading national security documents which used to have a home in Mar a Lago until the FBI rudely took them away.
No, too many wind hazards. Ice skating mini-golf, maybe, with caribou caddies.
"Caribou Saddles" would be a great band name!
You didn't think much then..
Tipping…? Does writing “Plant your corn early” on a napkin count as a tip?
I usually go with "Buy low, sell high" when asked for a tip. But yours is good!
“Never buy a Rolex from someone on the street who is out of breath.”
My tip is usually “Bet on Sparky to show in the fifth race”
The White House port-a-potties look ordinary, but if you dive in, you’ll find that they contain concealed nuclear fallout shelters. (Don’t believe me? See for yourself.)
You must deposit $1 billion dollars per use. Don't drink any beer.
In reading your sentence about what Greenland has that the US doesn’t, I read it as you said Greenland has Indiana. Read the entire caribou article trying to find reference to Indiana. The mind in old age gives us countless hours of musings like that. Speaking of caribou, the national animal of Finland is the reindeer and it is often on the menu in that country. I’ve been mulling what it means when you like to eat your national symbol. Apparently they are one of the happiest countries (although I think that really stems from keeping modest expectations). Maybe Americans would be happier if they ate more eagles? Trump would not like it in Finland. EVERYONES’ tax returns are made public. But he’d be closer to his bestie Putin.
I lived in Norway which has the same law about taxes. It encourages people to snitch on their neighbors. And they do.
The argument is that it strengthens solidarity—no one can hide their wealth.
Dave, thanks for bringing some levity to our current NCS (National Clown Show).
MerryCatholic.com
IK,R? This is the only laugh I've had in weeks! My cat was very confused by my sudden mood swing. He's keeping some distance between us now, and watching to see what I might do next...
Never mind, he got bored and went to check on the Apartment Door of my Apartment and the Kitchen in my Kitchen Area....where I keep my Caribou.
Thought all the rosebushes were gone....
I think you’re right, come to think of it.
They are. God forbid there should be any beauty left in the White House.