203 Comments
User's avatar
Bob Morris's avatar

I’m Ken Burns and I want you to brush it back so you’ll stop looking like me…

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Dave Barry's avatar

I met him once, and we agreed that we did, in fact, look alike. Not long after that he grew a beard.

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Jon Tony Madeira's avatar

Ken is such a bitter, vindictive sort.

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Jeffrey Getzin's avatar

I am also Ken Burns, and I agree with the other Ken Burns.

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WJ Hayes's avatar

Suddenly, I'm picturing an entire room of people, each one standing up and crying, "No, I'm Ken Burns" like the ending of Spartacus.

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Jeffrey Getzin's avatar

I’m Bob Morris, and I approve your idea.

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Doc Sarcophagus's avatar

Malkovich!

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Jeffrey Getzin's avatar

The one with the jewel thief?

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DrBDH's avatar

One of the universal truths is that no one likes their hair; straight, curly, thick, thin, makes no difference. This is why there are hairdressers and also why the Buddha is bald.

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Roger Beal's avatar

God made only so many perfect heads.

The rest, He covered with hair.

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Tutti's avatar

Amazing transformation!

From Moe Howard to Gavin Newsom in a few paragraphs...

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Linda Walker's avatar

❗️❗️❗️

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Debbie Flanagan's avatar

You make my day with laughter. We need joy

now!!!

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Marianne's avatar

Hi Barry, whatever Michelle prefers works for me. Anyway, I just rediscovered you, having been a fan when you were writing your weekly column. Being a truly senior citizen (86), sometimes it takes me a bit to navigate the internet. I was thrilled to find you and already have just read your touching book about your dog.

AND, I discovered my friend, Jinx Remson, went to school with you in Pleasantville. I feel touched by celebrity hood. 👍🤣

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Bill Dunn's avatar

With the slicked-back look, you appear to be in the cast of "Goodfellas." The au natural bangs are much better. Besides, years ago, when my young daughter saw your photo on the cover of a book, she asked me, "Was he in the Beatles?" I replied, "Yes, back when they were John, Paul, Dave, and Ringo." We don't want to burst her bubble after all these years.

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Buck Throckmorton's avatar

This reminds me of my all-time favorite Dave Barry column, The Hair Apparent, which discussed haircuts imposed by Dave’s father, constantly cutting shorter, trying to even out all sides, “In photographs taken back then, I look like an extremely young Marine, or some kind of radiation victim.”

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Randy Dary's avatar

Oops! I hit the Scottish-offended choice by mistake. I really meant to pick coconut. That’s your Look, to me. With your hair combed back, it’s kind of a Pete Hegseth look, of which I am not fond. But hey: military-knowledge-wise, you could probably sub for him sometime if needed.

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Wis's avatar
Jun 13Edited

I like the coconut look. Besides, who knows how your bangs would retaliate if you start plastering them back with product after 77 years of freedom?

The word is “bangs”. It had to come from somewhere.

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Christine Hill's avatar

Any time you want to be incognito, use the pomade.

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John E Simpson's avatar

I'm thinking "incognito" in this context translates to something like "approachable only under pain of death."

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Phil Caragol's avatar

I’m envious, Dave. While showering when I was 25, I looked down at the drain and saw what appeared to be a Chia Pet. On subsequent shower days, more and more Chia Pets joined the herd, casting themselves off my head to a premature death. All the Chias are gone now. Evidently, they migrated to your place. Please let them know I miss them.

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The Scented Jedi's avatar

Well, the polls don’t lie! We’re mostly just glad you’re not bald. Or as the French(ing) would say: balding.

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Dave Barry's avatar

Ha!

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Douglas Mackay's avatar

You have an All-American hairstyle. Given the state of America, that may not be a good thing.

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Finelli Joseph F. Jr.'s avatar

My mom and I used to comment about how certain tv personalities had the wrong hair styles or colors. Often ending with, “why doesn’t somebody tell them”?

I’m married to a hairdresser and and my daughter runs a salon business so I do feel qualified to comment.

Without question, the photo where you just hand brushed it off to the side is definitely your best choice.

Show that to Leila and ask her how to tame it there. Thinking a “max” hold styling gel.

You’re welcome

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Jeff Conner's avatar

You should be a Dapper Dan man, but never use Fop!

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wiredog's avatar

Back in the 90’s, and I wish I had a picture of it, I had a waist length ponytail. You see, I apparently had awesome hair and random pretty girls would walk up to me and run their fingers through my hair and ask what I did to it. I washed it a couple times a week and let it air dry, which was possible in southern Utah. Since girls liked it I didn’t change it. Kept it short in front so I could see, which is apparently an actual style known as the “mullet”, and used those ponytail elastic thingys on the bottom of it when I rode my motorcycle so it wouldn’t wrap around the helmet.

Anyway, have you considered growing your hair out like the rock stars used to back when we had rock stars and not whatever it is we have now?

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Dave Barry's avatar

No. But thank you for asking.

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Wis's avatar
Jun 13Edited

Or if your bangs actually bother you with pushing them back thousands of times every day, you could go way back to the look you sported when your (bald) Dad shaved your head with drugstore clippers, a la “the tennis ball look”.

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DrBDH's avatar

Those hand-powered clippers that pulled out every third hair?

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Wis's avatar

(Ouch)

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