I do not refrigerate my ketchup and mustard, but I do maintain strict control of their expiration dates by stirring the little packets in my glove box from time to time.
However, they will explode, from time to time, in the Florida heat, when left in the 'glove box'; if you have a refrigerated 'glove box', you will probably be OK.
I was so depressed this morning when I woke up; worrying about the future of our country. And then I read Dave’s column today and laughed out loud. I feel much better. I can carry on, remembering that a sense of humor is imperative. I am a new subscriber And look forward to your every offering.
Here! Here! Ms. Joyce. My sentiments exactly. And in the words of the GOAT, Bruce Willis, "Yippee Ki-Yay, MoFos!" Morons Are Governing America. Not celebrating today.
I refrigerate my condiments to keep my countertops free for other essential kitchen tools such as the George Foreman Grill, an air fryer (I like my air extra crispy), a toaster oven, a coffee maker, and a blender. I could go on & on. A bread machine, an Instant Pot, a can opener, a food processor ...
Cracked me up! With every new gadget, everyone tells says it’s life changing. Somehow I’m surviving without any of that. I think the blender is in the linen closet actually.
Just shared your post. Loved your memoir. For the record, I do like Impossible Burgers. We are going to the Berlin (NY) parade with every firetruck in the county. God help anyone who has a fire this morning.
Having attended the Berlin, NY 4th of July parade, please post the count of the number of men who jump off a parade vehicle to buy beer at the “Hotel”, before climbing back on to continue the parade.
According to my count, there were several walking politicians, 22 fire & rescue trucks, a few floats with prize designations, 8 antique tractors, a giant cement mixer, 2 horses, and a huge vehicle that we could not identify. Sorry to say, the hotel that turned into a bar, is no longer. The weather was spectacular. You should have been there. Definitely a life highlight.
I hate to keep responding, STMurray, but we happened to drive by that x-hotel today and it had an open sign. It is a restaurant now. Fish and chips $17. And that is the latest news from Berlin, NY, population 2,012, which beats Petersburgh next door, where I live, pop 1,372.
Dave, it was you who freed me from the tyranny of refrigerating condiments, lo some years ago. Told my wife I couldn't marry her if she needed ketchup in fridge. I think of you every time I confront some clueless person who still thinks ketchup should be cold. "Mom," I'll say, "How many times have we talked about this?! Do your research from a Pulitzer winning writer." But apparently you lack "credibility" and it wasn't verified by "Fox News" so now I'm shunned. Another victory for the big refrigerated condiment lobby.
After many, many years, my husband has finally figured out how not to turn my grilled burgers into objects in demand by the NHL. I don't care if he likes them so dry and black that they look like they just came out of Mario Lemieux's trophy case, but mine need to be edible. With unrefrigerated ketchup, lettuce, and tomato. No mustard, ever, on burgers!
I do not refrigerate my ketchup and mustard, but I do maintain strict control of their expiration dates by stirring the little packets in my glove box from time to time.
However, they will explode, from time to time, in the Florida heat, when left in the 'glove box'; if you have a refrigerated 'glove box', you will probably be OK.
It's sad to contemplate that for many Americans, this is last morning they will possess all 10 fingers.
Have fun, but be safe! (Holy cow, I've turned into my father!)
MerryCatholic.substack.com
Fortunate to live in a very red state where many of the same men holding lit fireworks were born with additional digits.
Haha 🤣 hysterical.
Ha ha Earthling. Only ten eh?
It was more before July 4th last year!
I was so depressed this morning when I woke up; worrying about the future of our country. And then I read Dave’s column today and laughed out loud. I feel much better. I can carry on, remembering that a sense of humor is imperative. I am a new subscriber And look forward to your every offering.
Thanks, ands welcome!
I didn't get no stinkin' welcome when I started just handing money over.
Just sayin'.
You are also welcome!
I became a subscriber just now, just because of this column. Because I, too, needed it this morning 😌
I'm with you there, Joyce. Humor is the very key to survival! And, we're lucky enough to receive these gems from Dave Barry!
A useful Italian phrase in this chaotic situation (and Italians have a vast experience in chaos) is «tiro avanti»…I’m pressing ahead…prn
Here! Here! Ms. Joyce. My sentiments exactly. And in the words of the GOAT, Bruce Willis, "Yippee Ki-Yay, MoFos!" Morons Are Governing America. Not celebrating today.
I keep the ketchup and mustard in the fridge for a good reason: I have more room in the fridge than in the cabinets.
I came here to say this!
Dave, be honest … you live in Florida for the content ideas don’t you?
No, he can go to Amazon for content ideas.
Or Walmart.
Or County Mayo in the old country.
I refrigerate my condiments to keep my countertops free for other essential kitchen tools such as the George Foreman Grill, an air fryer (I like my air extra crispy), a toaster oven, a coffee maker, and a blender. I could go on & on. A bread machine, an Instant Pot, a can opener, a food processor ...
Cracked me up! With every new gadget, everyone tells says it’s life changing. Somehow I’m surviving without any of that. I think the blender is in the linen closet actually.
I like my air extra crispy! 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Especially in New York. Or LA?
Priceless!
I am now eagerly waiting for Mayonnaise Week on the Discovery Channel.
(This is *hilarious* - where would it be filmed? In or out of the fridge? In the supermarket aisle? Where is mayo‘s natural habitat, I wonder.)
Perhaps victims of mayonnaise caught on audio in outhouses?
Oh, ick... I'd rather see a shark victim...
It’s in the salmon mousse.
We recently paid $8.99 for a jar of hellman's
“Vaguely Wrong” would be a good name for a band.
Oh- so would “Severe Burlap Allergy”.
Yes!!
Sign me up.
When I moved to the state of, let's call it Washington, there was a serious movement to make Louie, Louie the state song.
I kid you not.
It's 4:42AM and some idiot is setting off fireworks, illegally of course.
I was awakened I guess by fireworks or to read this.
At least this was amusing.
It was too hard to get a marmot (state mammal) to square dance to Louie, Louie. Other than that, it was a great idea. Time for a comeback campaign.
I’m from Washington. That marmot was right! We should pass a law against square dancing to Louie Louie!
I live here, as well. Is it really “ me gotta go “ and not “we gotta go” ? Easterners will look down on us.
There's only*me*.
I look down on us. Well, I did when I moved here and , you know.
It’s the other way around - Florida formed around Dave to provide him content.
Thanks, Dave. Just, “thanks.”
No doubt the White House is preparing an EO banning the use of cursive right now!
There are new tariffs on fountain pens and quills, to be announced later today.
Just shared your post. Loved your memoir. For the record, I do like Impossible Burgers. We are going to the Berlin (NY) parade with every firetruck in the county. God help anyone who has a fire this morning.
Having attended the Berlin, NY 4th of July parade, please post the count of the number of men who jump off a parade vehicle to buy beer at the “Hotel”, before climbing back on to continue the parade.
According to my count, there were several walking politicians, 22 fire & rescue trucks, a few floats with prize designations, 8 antique tractors, a giant cement mixer, 2 horses, and a huge vehicle that we could not identify. Sorry to say, the hotel that turned into a bar, is no longer. The weather was spectacular. You should have been there. Definitely a life highlight.
Oh, I forgot the boat. With a roll bar.
I hate to keep responding, STMurray, but we happened to drive by that x-hotel today and it had an open sign. It is a restaurant now. Fish and chips $17. And that is the latest news from Berlin, NY, population 2,012, which beats Petersburgh next door, where I live, pop 1,372.
I once made the mistake of playing egg toss with one of my cousins who, unbeknownst to me, was the star pitcher for his local Little League.
Once.
Dave, it was you who freed me from the tyranny of refrigerating condiments, lo some years ago. Told my wife I couldn't marry her if she needed ketchup in fridge. I think of you every time I confront some clueless person who still thinks ketchup should be cold. "Mom," I'll say, "How many times have we talked about this?! Do your research from a Pulitzer winning writer." But apparently you lack "credibility" and it wasn't verified by "Fox News" so now I'm shunned. Another victory for the big refrigerated condiment lobby.
“Another victory for the big refrigerated condiment lobby!” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
After many, many years, my husband has finally figured out how not to turn my grilled burgers into objects in demand by the NHL. I don't care if he likes them so dry and black that they look like they just came out of Mario Lemieux's trophy case, but mine need to be edible. With unrefrigerated ketchup, lettuce, and tomato. No mustard, ever, on burgers!