446 Comments
User's avatar
Daas Yochid's avatar

An important reason to learn cursive is so that you can sign credit card receipts on a screen with your finger, where you can literally write in primitive caveman and the transaction will still go through.

Donald  Ross's avatar

I expressed once to a server that finger signing made me feel, and look, as if I'd lost IQ points. She said don't worry - I could put a smiley face there and it would be accepted.

I did. It was. Along with the significant tip....

Rick Weiland's avatar

Wonder if you can sign checks with a happy face, at least for checks you like to write, like birthday presents. Maybe a frowny face for paying state taxes.

Mary Roeser's avatar

I asked one time if a person could just scrawl an "X" and have it go through. The answer was "Yes".

Garrett McDaniel's avatar

For the past year or so, I’ve simply been entering “ O K “ on the screen and wait for my receipt.

I then leave with a smile and a thank you.

No one seems to care…or even notice what I wrote on the silly screen….

Glynn Kegley's avatar

I just enter a squiggle. In cursive. One cannot print in squiggle

John E Simpson's avatar

Brilliant. Now I want to try this... only I cannot for the life of me remember how to form a "K in cursive/signaturese. Plus, I'm left-handed, soooo...

Daas Yochid's avatar

Me too. My advice: learn Hebrew.

Glynn Kegley's avatar

I have always felt sorry for left-handed people when it came to writing in cursive.

Steve Struck's avatar

Yeah, but we're at least writing in a forward direction, unlike you backwards writing right handers. :)

K.'s avatar

Also feel sorry for we left-handers who have to write on whiteboards with dry-erase markers. Whether it's cursive *or* print!

Wis's avatar

I actually rather enjoy the arrogant capital ‘Z’ and ‘Q’ in cursive. Very florid and “Declaration of Independence-y”.

John E Simpson's avatar

*nodding appreciatively at use of "florid" in a comment on a FLORIDa news roundup*

PTW's avatar

It has been so long since I wrote in cursive, I have no idea how I would go about cursively writing a "Z" or a "Q." Seriously, I cannot even picture what those letters look like in cursive.

Brenton Baker's avatar

When I was a kid--around 10, so this would've been about 2005--I read a website by a guy who's decided to push this to its limits, on physical and digital signatures. His site even had pictures of each one. It started with vague scribbles, then went on to abstract shapes like grids, then smiley or frowney faces. One which stood out to me was when he outright printed "I didn't authorize this" and the transaction went through fine.

It finally ended when he bought a TV for $2,000 ($3,500 in 2026 money) and signed with a filled-in rectangle. The manager came out and told him they couldn't accept the purchase.

To this day, my signature is a couple of squiggles, but they're consistent squiggles.

Wis's avatar

😅. In 2026, I wonder if the filled in rectangle would even get noticed! You can steal a credit card and go crazy on Amazon and never sign a thing. Maybe there are more safeguards now, but this fact-in-theory makes the signature moot for most everything. Legal documents even have “Docusign” - which, incidentally, creates a lovely cursive signature that looks nothing like my real one.

Brenton Baker's avatar

If the whole thing is a legal fiction at this point anyway, why can't we at least use a cool fake symbol, like a wax seal? Digital signet rings anybody?

Wis's avatar

I love the signet ring idea! But let’s bring back the ring itself, and stamp our emblems in hot wax on the little receipts we have to sign! It’d at least be entertaining.

Lizbet's avatar

Firstly, 🤣🤣. But also, I wonder if the "I didn't authorize this" would stand up in court if he challenged the charge (refused to pay it)?

K Mason's avatar

A lawyer friend has assured us that as soon as the person takes the card, you have agreed to pay. No Backsies!

LKN's avatar
15hEdited

Does it creep anyone else out that we’re trading germs on our fingers when we do that?

Terry's avatar

Which is EXACTLY why I smell my finger both before and after I sign.

Lizbet's avatar

So you transfer the germs to your nose? Seems like a good plan.

John E Simpson's avatar

I don't need any more reasons to be creeped out these days, but thanks. No, really, THANKS. 😱 Now I want to start carrying around a box of those rubber fingertip covers. (Er, do they still make them?)

Roger Beal's avatar

One of proctology's favorite accessories.

John E Simpson's avatar

Hallelujah! SAVED by the office-supplies supply chain!

CLAIRE WOOD's avatar

carry a stylus or two. I have at least 3 dead pens with a stylus on the end,

Our voting machines and sign in equipment uses touch screens. We have a ton of stylus (styli?) ready for use, with a special little cleaner for them

John E Simpson's avatar

Ingenious! Thanks!

PTW's avatar

YES! Of course, I'm the weirdo who wipes down the grocery cart handle before I touch it.

Doris's avatar

Every single time.

FrankLJ's avatar

I electronic sign everything ‘Theodore Roosevelt’.

(‘Arsenic and Old Lace’ joke)

Mary Roeser's avatar

Whenever I sign off on a screen, it always winds up looking like I flunked third grade, like maybe 52 times in a row.

Jeffrey Hynds's avatar

What’s with these southern states that have a Nothern bird for the State Bird?

FrankLJ's avatar

They fly south for the winter.

Expert studies have shown that this is because it is too far to walk.

Wis's avatar

Whenever I have to sign with my finger, my signature looks like I’ve been doing some really heavy drinking. I dunno why we sign anymore; nobody cares if signatures are even signatures. I could draw a cartoon porky pig instead of signing something and nobody would notice.

Sharon Herrick's avatar

You've hit upon a deep and mysterious and perhaps terribly dark question---why? Why, if no one cares, do we do this? Why, if no one cares, do companies require this? Is it just to prove that we are sheep? That we will, in fact, do anything they tell us? Why? Why?? Why?????

Daas Yochid's avatar

Maybe @Dave Barry can use his investigative skills and maybe win another Pulitzer.

Rick Weiland's avatar

Wish I could do that!

Mary Roeser's avatar

I asked one time if you could just scrawl an X and have it go through. The answer was "Yes".

Whenever I sign a screen, it winds up looking like I failed third grade, like maybe 52 times in a row.

Lizbet's avatar

You can also sign it "Donald Duck" and the transaction will go through. This is America - commerce first.

Bonnie Morse's avatar

Sometimes I sign my dog's name. Literally no one is checking this anymore.

PTW's avatar

I just print my initials on those f-ing screens. PRINT.

Rich Feldman's avatar

How you can go from Thor having sex with a tree to going on a limb against teaching cursive should warrant a red card, but damn, it’s so smooth and funny. I’m in awe.

Rich Feldman's avatar

BTW, if flamingo doesn’t work out as a state bird, consider the Dicsissel — for no other reason than I find the name to be very funny.

Michael Bowe's avatar

Now there's a name with SIZZLE!

Corlis Robe's avatar

I am always in awe of Dave's output. He's been *getting paid* to do this for mumbledy-mumble years!

LKN's avatar

Either 50 or 70

quidestruetmundum's avatar

I think it’s due to his hare. If he changes it he’ll lose the power to write, like Sampson.

Corlis Robe's avatar

I see. An excellent understanding of the issue.

M. de Hendon (926577)'s avatar

It is so touching seeing you come to the aid of a frond in need.

John E Simpson's avatar

Now I'm kinda hoping James Taylor is a DB fan and will stop by to croon "You've Got a Frond" for Dave.

Chris(tobol)'s avatar

Or you can combine with another pun and have Randy Newman sing "You've Got A Frond in Need"

Garrett McDaniel's avatar

Yes, well, Dave has always been a frond indeed…and we love him for that.

Steve Struck's avatar

Did you mean "frond in need"?

Morrassoc's avatar

Dave, your commenters are almost as funny as you. My comment is not funny. Seriously. There have recently been a couple of legitimate studies that showed enhanced neurological activity when the subjects, whose brains have been wired up in a legitimate neurological lab, wrote cursive. BUT, when those same subjects typed on their keyboards, there was Zero (O) brain activity in the wired-up neurons. I can send the study reports if you or anyone else wants to verify what I’m saying.

Thanks again for another week’s dose of hilarity.

Ki Consciousness's avatar

That is interesting indeed! I'd be curious to see the reports.

I'm a Millennial, so I was forced to learn cursive along with the rest of y'all ... I immediately stopped using it the second I was allowed. My cursive sucked.

Meanwhile, I learned to type on a keyboard just a few short years after learning to write. I learned that at an early enough age that I can type on a keyboard WAAAAAAY faster than I can write longhand -- in cursive or otherwise.

For many years, I wrote almost exclusively on a keyboard. I had no reason to write longhand. In 2017, I started keeping a (longhand) journal. There IS something different about that ... It feels more "real," more personal.

In terms of idea generation, however, typing is more pure, for me. It's just my ideas, coming through my hands. When I write something longhand, there is another element involved.

I wonder if that's what the studies were picking up on.

LKN's avatar

And now our prized wpm typing skills are reduced to using two thumbs (or in some mysterious cases, a singer index finger). SIGH

MzNicky in East Jesus, TN's avatar

My senior year of high school(1971) I won the award from the Business and Professional Women’s Club for being able to type 110 words a minute. It just took me about five minutes to type this comment. At least typos are easier to deal with now than back in the Dark Ages of typewriter erasers.

LKN's avatar

And eraser tape

MzNicky in East Jesus, TN's avatar

Eraser tape? Luxury! Fancy! In my day, we learned to type on manual typewriters had only typewriter-eraser sticks with brushes on the end for whisking away the debris left behind by the eraser. And we were grateful!*

——————

*We were not really grateful.

CLAIRE WOOD's avatar

we had the round pink ones with a brush on the end And Royal typewriters with no letters on the keys, and I swear the keys had weights on the bottom

Lizbet's avatar

Wired-up Neurons would be a good name for a rock band.

Morrassoc's avatar

Haha. Good one!

Doris's avatar

This really shouldn’t come as a surprise. Writing cursive hurts my head. Typing only hurts my wrist if I do it for a long time. Perhaps the thought that goes into writing cursive (as opposed to puking out random thoughts through typing) is what triggers brain activity? I’d be curious to know the why behind this.

Jill Carpenter's avatar

It makes sense that there is more thought behind cursive, because it is slower, and harder to correct or edit. I have been amazed at some old books that the authors wrote by hand, and how thoughtful and literate and well-composed and readable they are. Am reading U. S. Grant's memoir and find it compelling. They were probably better orators then, too.

John E Simpson's avatar

That sounds like a very interesting read!

My own theory is that yes, there was zero brain activity in the wired-up neurons (hence their scientific name, "norons"), but that there was an enormous spike in the activity of neurons which *weren't* wired up. Like, say, the neurons which fire when trolling inoffensive targets on The App Currently Known As X, or the ones which fire faster and faster and faster andfasterandfaster while scrolling through OnlyFans.

Carol Anne Fusco's avatar

Have you just admitted to scrolling through OnlyFans?

John E Simpson's avatar

(laughing) No. I did think twice before putting that comment, but decided I liked that sentence too much to kill it. Art requires painful decisions. 🤣

Carol Anne Fusco's avatar

I love it! Thanks for your reply.

Carol Anne Fusco's avatar

This makes intuitive sense to me. I suspect the physical action of crocheting does the same thing. Thanks for the educational post!

CLAIRE WOOD's avatar

The right type of crochet stitch can lull you into peaceful relaxation. Others of course can make you pull your hair out. I do not use those.

quidestruetmundum's avatar

So everything you make looks like a potholder.

CLAIRE WOOD's avatar

just larger; enough to cover a double bed. Some of those mindnumbing stitches are actually quite complicated Looking. But then, sometimes it is the yarn which makes it look neat

Lorna Holmes's avatar

Comparing writing to typing is what the studies did; probably if the subjects had printed, the result would have come out the same.

Grandpagrumble's avatar

Now that’s the funniest comment so far

Jan Feldbauer's avatar

I can confirm that the state bird of Texas is the Northern Mockingbird…in fact we have a stuffed one in a case in our state Capitol building in Austin, and you can buy a plush version of it in their gift shop. Research shows that this bird was adopted as the official state bird of TX on January 31, 1927, when Governor Dan Moody (having nothing better to do that day) signed a legislative resolution. This made TX the very first state in the US to officially designate a state bird. Four other states copied TX and adopted it as their bird. Florida did so on April 23,1927.

Regarding cursive, I had a student who requested I show him how to sign his name in cursive as it was required on a job application. I demonstrated a few examples of how he might write it, and he picked one. I then had him practice writing it by tracing it repeatedly on lined paper. He did get the job but then told me later that he still doesn’t use cursive because his office uses Docusign for all its paperwork.

College papers are of course typed/word processed for submission, but even that isn't fool proof… beware auto correct.

While teaching a business class at the local college in Austin, I assigned a paper where students needed to describe a situation where they had exerted leadership and what they learned from that situation. It could be any situation...in a scout meeting, volunteer organization, even a work situation.

While grading these papers one stood out. Rather than using the word exerted, autocorrect changed every use of this word to excreted.

Here are some brief snippets of this submitted paper:

At first, I didn't feel comfortable with excreting…

I have grown used to excreting in teams at work…

My boss and I together excreted…

I am now in favor of everyone excreting…

I will continue to excrete to the best of my ability…

I could not stop laughing while reviewing this paper. When I returned this paper to its author the student’s face turned very red, and she blurted out that she was glad she didn't have to read it to the class. We both had a good laugh! Per the grading rubric I had to deduct a point, but I added a point back in, as it was the funniest paper I've ever read.

John E Simpson's avatar

What a great story. Thanks!

BTW, I read a couple weeks ago that some universities are reverting to using the old "blue books" for class writing assignments -- forbidding word-processed papers -- because of the influx of AI-generated essays etc. No idea if they're requiring *cursive* specifically, but I thought, like, "Haha! Yeah! That'll teach the little monkeys a lesson!"

Doris's avatar

This will not last past the first paper. Instructors will revolt due to the impossibility of reading these things. It will take them waaaaay longer to decipher what is written and will likely give them all headaches.

ProfLPC's avatar

You’ve never taught in the UK, where sat exams are deeply rooted in tradition all the way through university. Students get points off if it is illegible.

Jan Feldbauer's avatar

Thanks! I certainly used my share of those 'blue books'.

Harrison Bolter's avatar

What a wonderful story! Thank you. I was going to write that as I retired person, I no longer have to excrete myself, at least not very often. As an aging retired person, that statement has more meaning to me than ever. 😳 Maybe I’d better just move on… 😳😊

Roger Beal's avatar

"Move on" ... ISWYDT, Bolter.

Jan Feldbauer's avatar

Your comment certainly made me laugh! Enjoy your weekend!

Ada Fuller's avatar

Hahaha! I used to have a client that was a pension — for some reason the computer wanted to correct that as penison. We had to read every page of our report VERY carefully!

Rick Weiland's avatar

My guess is she was spelling exerted as “excerted” (which autocorrect just tried to change to “excreted”)

Jan Feldbauer's avatar

I believe you may be right! Enjoy your weekend!

Lizbet's avatar

Also, it won't do any good in that department. The kids will still use AI to write their papers, they will just copy it over by hand.

Lizbet's avatar

I have wondered, is it legal to "sign" official legal documents in print?

Bill Dunn's avatar

Cursive is stupid. But I’m a boomer geezer who had to learn it (and a left-hander, to boot!), so I say: make the kids do it too. Also, get off my lawn!

Rick Weiland's avatar

At least we had a secret written language that the kids couldn’t make out!

K.'s avatar

There are t-shirts like that now! In cursive, spelling out, "Skilled reader and scribe of the ancient texts."

Bill Dunn's avatar

Good point. It's like we're in the CIA communicated in secret code!

SDG Morgan's avatar

"Florida Man" is the superhero movie that America needs right now.

Garrett McDaniel's avatar

Agree…PROVIDED it stars Dave.

Doris's avatar

He needs to at least write the screen play. And get full credit of course.

PD Mullarkey's avatar

There is a movie but doesn't look like a superhero!

"A burnout couple squat in abandoned Florida mansions. As past traumas resurface, the couple's behavior gets more and more erratic, as whispers of the enigmatic 'Florida Man' engulf the neighborhood."

Donna Riley's avatar

Your strike-through is brilliant. It will become part of my writing style - I’ve long wished to state the filthy-minded undercurrent and distress I go through NOT saying those things. And the sad thing is that strike-through is not available in social media, most likely because the unbridled masses have no strike-through

John E Simpson's avatar

Actually, at least in Zuckerface you can create strikethroughs using underscore characters, You type a character, then an underscore, another character and another underscore, etc. Like t_h_i_s_. (I have no idea if Substack will turn that into a strikethrough.)

Your Friendly Ubergeek Dave's Substack Neighbor

LKN's avatar

I hope so because it pains me to be unable to strikethrough.

Donna Riley's avatar

And yes Dave, I will give you full credit for my brilliance

Barbara Krell's avatar

I do write in cursive. My daughters tell me I have the handwriting of a serial killer. I was offended.

Gillean Wilsak's avatar

I would ask, how do they know?

Lizbet's avatar

You reminded me of the one question I've ever been afraid to ask anyone. When I was a kid, whenever my grandma would see one of us drinking a Coke, she would wrinkle up her nose and say, "How can you drink that stuff? It tastes like varnish." I was always tempted to reply, "Hey Grandma, when did you drink the varnish?" But then my life would flash before my eyes and I kept my mouth shut.

Lorna Holmes's avatar

As a child, I once drank paint thinner because someone had put it in a Coke bottle. Perhaps something like that happened to your grandma.

Lizbet's avatar

Maybe. Maybe that means she didn't know what actual Coke tasted like.

Patty Hardee's avatar

I'm a native Florida Woman, but I lived in a Maryland suburb of DC for a while. My house looked like a beach house, so I put flamingos in my yard. DUH! I used to dress them up for holidays, e.g., folded newspaper hats for July 4. The college kids across the street tended to leave me alone.

Roger Beal's avatar

They probably thought you were one of 'em, but from an even crazier fraternity.

Patty Hardee's avatar

More like crazy, but harmless, Aunt Mabel.

Ned's avatar

But if kids can’t read cursive, how will my grandchildren read the birthday cards my mother sends them?

Mandy Albert's avatar

Dave, come on. Why should the youth of today not suffer in the same ways we suffered? What kind of Baby Boomer are you?

John Stalmach's avatar

Also a left hander, I struggled with cursive. My fifth grade teacher finally gave up on me, and said I will likely become a doctor. Little did she know I would be a journalist/graphic artist.

Gigi's avatar

When I get a fundraising letter from a politician or organization and the signature is a sloppy scribble, I never send money. If they don’t have time to sign their name legibly, I don’t have time to send money.

John Stalmach's avatar

I don't know for sure, but I suspect politicians can get a machine that will automatically sign their name for them. I think it's called an auto-pen.

And I'm sure if someone has access to such a machine, they can likely get an artist to create their signature that will be readily readable.

As far as sending money to politicians, that's something I do rarely.

CLAIRE WOOD's avatar

back in the Stone Age, my left handed friends had first grade teachers who forced them to write with their right hand. A couple of mother read them the riot act and that stopped right quick

John Stalmach's avatar

I had heard that happened. Fortunately, I'm from the late Stone Age (first of the Boomers) plus my first grade teacher was a new recruit to help fill in the gaps so we got the latest thinking of the time.

CLAIRE WOOD's avatar

Actually, my friends and I were Early Boomers (1948-49) Our teachers also were the age of our grandparents

JC86Pilot's avatar

I only use cursive to sign my name and that has also become mostly illegible.

Almost fell out of my chair reading "we’re in a nonconsensual polyamorous avian relationship involving four other states."

Well done today!

Lynn Again's avatar

My Dad was an architect and I used to try to print like he did. I still do using mostly all capital letters.

And I'm left handed too and my cursive slants backwards!

CLAIRE WOOD's avatar

my daughter is a talented tattoo artist. However, I defy you to read her signature.

Roger Beal's avatar

Mechanical engineering drafting classes circa the late 1960s cured me of cursive. All my written correspondence morphed into capital block letters.

Martha Howell's avatar

But it's so slow! Cursive isn't fast, but it's twice as fast as printing.

Roger Beal's avatar

If all you do is block letters for 40 years, it becomes pretty quick - plus my fast cursive is virtually illegible.

Maria F Cleary's avatar

New Jersey, a state widely considered superior to Florida (think diners and bagels), is also mandating cursive in grades 5-8. Draw your own conclusions. PS - Old Woody Allen movies are laugh out loud hilarious.